FOR the neurotic among you, how many people would have remembered your birthday if it had not been for Facebook!
LISTEN folks………he told me himself. I did not hear it second hand – it came from his own mouth. George Keatings has a man room at the top of his house where he does “Man Things”. He calls it “The Cave”. I kid you not! Sometimes people make it too easy for me!!!! I have been taken to task by Mrs Sean Magorrian over my comments in last week’s blog about her boy and a German brothel. She wants me to make it clear if he was indeed in a brothel, which he was not………..probably….….. then it most certainly wudda been a Catholic one! And note that she paid the balance of her son’s Mild Boys’ trip to Dublin but not that of hubby. Hubby was not amused! FURTHER to my post last week about Gary McWilliams and his special Saturdays with his bride...good to see he was given permission by the selectors to be AWOL from the last A team match..... Sort of a conjugal leave of absence you might say….diddums! BRING out the stocks, the cabbages and rotten tomatoes and put Liam Trainor, Hon Treasurer, Acting Captain of the Midweek B and general all round nice guy in them. Why? Cos he forgot to fly the flag at last week’s game. Thanks Stevie Stiff for pointing it out. We can all rest easy in our beds – single or otherwise - knowing that you are on hand to tie up loose ends! AND thanks to Pat Butler for switching off the lights during the Midweek B game two weeks ago when the visibility improved. You saved myself and Liam Trainor – who BTW turned them on by our own selves, the bother! Decision making and initiative at its finest! I have been reliably told by one of my senior touts That Gerry “The Multilinguist” Lee bought himself and his little imaginary friend two pints last week. He thought he was sitting with John “Get The Arm In” Kerr apparently. YOU might also want to ask the good Lee about bus drivers who drive right past him while he is standing at the stop. AND talking bus drivers …..which in house bus driver did the same to Jimmy Armstrong? Jimmy boy saw the bus, flagged it down with a wave …..and the bus drive gave him a cheery wave in return….and drove straight on by! WHO was on £50 Draw duty last week when Carol Ann’s Da won the aforesaid £50? The aforesaid Carol Ann’s Da…that is who! Did he return the winning ticket to the box??? Did he frig!! I have a few scribbled notes in my little purple book about Alan and Belinda De Brun. Unfortunately due to their hospitality at the time of writing I cannot decipher them. Any help would be appreciated. They have something to do with “keeping up with the Smyths”, “peeing in a bucket” and “carpet burns”. Thanks ever so! ALSO, I wrote down some gems from Pat Butler on a back of a till receipt but have mislaid it. If found please return. AND talking till receipts, it is NOT acceptable when rummaging in one’s trousers for money to buy a pint, to find three receipts and just buck them on the floor! Bad form, especially from someone so important in the Club! BERNADETTE McCullough popped her head through the Male Locker Room door on Tuesday evening at her Girlie rehearsal and said “Any Jacks in here?” Quick as a flash Harry “Three Stripes” retorted, “Nope….we have a Pat, a Harry, a Paul, a Liam but nobody called Jack”. Sharp as a tennis ball that guy. Don’t think she was best pleased! A new term for a shite bowl….. “I threw it across myself!” Course you did Mr. Magorrian! WHICH Jim Frazer was not able to stay for tea at Ballymena as he did not have a bib for the beans which were being served. Do not worry Jimmy boy, the coffee stains already on the shirt would have complimented them nicely….a short of food Feng Sui you might say. I can see the next time you go to a trendy bistro and the waiter will say “Shall I serve the gravy now sir, or will I just pour it directly down your shirt!!” AND apparently, a certain ex Pres thought the oversize sausages at Ballymena were the pants!! Perhaps that is why he was lurking around St. George’s Food Market on Friday looking for some! WHO boasted about jumping off the top of the wardrobe as a precursor to rumpy pumpy?? I’ve seen you recently matey….more like crawling from underneath it and taking a puff of your inhaler then an out of date Viagra before getting down to the convivials!! And for those who keep asking me…no I don’t have any connections for this kind of stuff………..anymore! There is no demand anyway! AND I know a joke about wardrobes. Robin Hood was lying on his deathbed and said to Little John, “Give me my trusty bow. I will fire an arrow through the window and wherever it lands, that is where I will be buried!” John helped the feeble frame up and placed the bow and arrow in his hands. Robin mustered up all his strength and drew back the arrow and let fly. It landed on top of the wardrobe! WHO from BT10 comes in to the ghetto to get her roots done in the girlie barbers facing the Club on a regular basis? I thought that the Care in the Community scheme would have sent a female barber to her house to cut and Clairol the tresses – given her age! AND to the OCD laddie who parks in the exact same space in a largely empty car park every morning for the Vets rehearsal…..the more you do it laddie, the more I will get in five minutes early and take your coveted spot. AND to those who continue to park in the Disabled areas?? DON’T! AND talking parking…..yes dearie, you are still doing it – straddling two spaces. It is not that difficult pet especially when the car park is half empty. It is not as if you are driving a 4x4 SUV. AND those of you who continue to drop spent cig ends in the ditch……again DON’T! Until next time Keep strokin’ the kitty………
9 Comments
Einstein's Cat
3/7/2016 03:32:01 pm
Hmm. Pat Butler switching off during a game. Sounds like a familiar trait. :)
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Blogmeister
3/7/2016 07:55:46 pm
I have another version of a Catholic brothel but it would upset people if I used it here
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Obama I'm Not
4/7/2016 01:34:54 am
Again Bloggy? And where we're you hiding? And no greetings? Only olives stuffed with anchovies were purchased.
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Blogmeister
4/7/2016 08:58:26 am
Dear Mr Ex Twas one of my touts who espied you. Now do not be getting neurotic about this. There is always somebody watching you waiting to send me stuff! But I am impressed - olives and anchovies. Must talk to our caterers and try to get them to introduce something a little more sophisticated for your discerning palate!
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Dizzi Rascal
5/7/2016 12:25:47 pm
At last we are in a position to identify the illustrious 'kitty' that gets stroked on a weekly basis at the end of the blog..............
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Blogmeister
5/7/2016 12:32:19 pm
Careful Diz......we are not sure of the gender of the aforesaid feline so one could be done for something very inappropriate!
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Dizzi Rascal
5/7/2016 12:41:31 pm
It's not me stating in writing each week that I am stroking it - the kitty that is ;)
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Blogmeister
5/7/2016 07:09:01 pm
Stroking the kitty I always thought was a bowling term....I must Yahoo it....Googling is soooo pas say!
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Einstein's Cat
9/7/2016 06:55:24 pm
I do have a relative theory on stoking. And no it's not stroking a relative.
Reply
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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