THE following Public Service Announcement will become a weekly feature until people stop parking in Disabled Parking spaces without a Blue Badge.
THE following cars were parked illegally on Monday lunchtime….a beige Rover and blue Peugot. ON Monday at 4.00pm…… a turquoise Nissan Micra. I was away for the rest of the week otherwise others would have been mentioned! WHO turned up for a Four Bowls Pairs match six days, twenty three hours and thirty minutes early??? Billy T and Dominic G….that’s who! Better than Michael G who did not turn up at all. Apparently someone shudda reminded him the day before……..!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry Michael…next time, before you sit down in the lounge, I will get a minion to warm the seat for you and maybe even order you your drink!!!! And then before you go to bed, I could send a person up to squeeze your toothpaste for you! THE next piece is courtesy of “Gumboil” McCorry. Who carries around a boot load of fizzy drinks in the back of his car……….just in case??? Anyway they were apparently much appreciated by his team mates at a recent game they played in sweltering conditions. Do you have bags of sweeties as well Geordie boy!!! TO all my touts….some of your stuff may appear in the end of season “In the Ditch” Awards instead of the Column eg the stuff Harry “Three Stripes” S gave me on Butsie! HEY….Carol Anne Parker! Yes you! I am the one with the signature long hair in the Club! Get it cut laddie, We can’t have you lookin as cool as me…can we now! APPARENTLY the blog is “childish and puerile” ….. Well now! Firstly it is meant to be and I really should take the remark as a compliment! Secondly the juxtaposition of the two adjectives is an example of tautology which is poor use of English. Thirdly, if I wanted to raise the level I would introduce little posers such as “Critically evaluate the negative effects of regulative institutions on black males between the ages of eighteen and twenty seven in the state of Florida with specific reference to Blackmore jail in Orange County.” Fourthly, I bet you allowed your kiddies to have the period from 5.23 pm and 5.46pm every day to enjoy themselves didn’t ya! Fifthly, why do you keep reading it? Bet you had a quiet giggle! Go on you know you did! Sixthly if I printed the real stuff, it would show what a boring crowd of old farts we are. SO do you want it to be like this, cos I can do it!!!….. The A and B teams both won on Saturday. They had tea then finished off the evening with a few pints. Some left early to go to evening Mass, others went home to catch up on recordings of the Antiques Roadshow. On Sunday some went to the Club for some more pints and discussed how the opposition were lying three until Rab Gilbert - who by the way has changed his medication as it as giving him the runs - took them out by the roots. Then they watched Celtic also taken out by the roots by John The Baptist Primary School Under Ten five a side team. Nobody did much on Monday….the Vets tried to field a team but without the assistance of those who were eligible to play, but could not be bothered, they couldn’t, and in the evening the OCD corner met and discussed when was the best time to move from a ten tog value down to a four point five. Pat McCallion had four pints instead of his usual three and one half. The card school was held on Tuesday. Somebody complained about the amount of new women more interested in looking for men than holding a Texan…if that is the correct term. On Wednesday the Midweek teams played. Somebody won and somebody lost. Who cares, they are only pond dwellers…… apparently! On Thursday everybody went to Sainsbury’s to do shopping. All except some of the Ladies who preferred M and S and Lakeland. On Friday night, some of the A team arranged to have a roll up in advance of the Saturday game to get acquainted with the match settings, but decided to stay at home and watch television instead!!! SHALL I continue???? STRIKING fear into Vets teams across our wee country!!.... https://www.facebook.com/fallsbowlingclub/videos/vb.178326022206423/882845395087812/?type=2&theater AND the Smiths with a “y” got a full make over on the outside of the house. That must have dug into the retirement fund folks! At your age too!!! I thought you would be praying for a happy death instead!!!! AND talking Smyths….whose digger fell down the hole it was digging around his other house in the land of the free and had to be extricated using a complex mathematical formula? AND…who recommends the Silver Tassie to all his mates, but would not eat there himself! The aforesaid Stiff One, that’s who. He recommended it to McGarrity who ordered a chicken stir fry and…………… found a piece of chicken in it! AND talking skips…. A reminder all those who are playing second in two and four bowl pairs - you are not really skips so stop acting like you are! AND more on the De Bruns…I was in the Club and saw that Alan had not signed off for his latest game so I texted the delicious Belinda and asked her would I do it for him. So she said “Yes tick him off!” So here goes…. “Alan you are one lazy SOB…. when is the last time you made your bride breakfast? When is the last time you took her out for a romantic meal? A packet of crisps with her half pint of cider in the Club does not count”. There ya go Belinda, well and truly ticked off….….no need to thank! IF someone can give me the name of the “bird” Danny Boy Cregan was seen walking out with I would be ever so grateful!! AND just because you have a girlie car Vince Baby, it does not mean that you have to drive like one. Indicators would be appreciated when leaving the Club in front of me – I am not a mind reader - and it is acceptable to pull out into the road when the nearest car city bound is up at St. Agnes Church and the one country bound is at ASDA – both at least three hundred yards away - for those of you who live outside the ghetto! FOR the neurotic among you…imagine you are applying for a job. Give a brief description of yourself outlining your achievements and interests to date. No more than one hundred words. What’s that I hear you say………….???? THIS will mean something to just a few people but apparently John Tierney knows more about manure than he does about music!! PROOF that girlies can indeed multi task. I spotted one smoking, chewing gum and talking at the same time. Quality representation of your section dearie! Is it not time the seminar programme addressed this form of unladylike behaviour! And apparently bowls is “harder than you think!” according to her! AND equally brilliant, one of the correspondents to the comments section of the Blog refers to the Mixed Triples as “The Swingers Triples!” Perhaps he knows something that should be shared with the rest of the group. He can always tell me…it will go no further! Til next time………… Keep stroking the kitty
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As the title suggests, there is some adult content in this week’s column. Please do not read if easily offended!
NEXT time laddie you park your metallic blue BMW at right angles across three parking spaces I will post your registration here. Selfishness in the extreme! CRAWLIN outta the woodwork to get their version of what happened before my touts give me the popular version….Belinda Brown, Harry Sergeant and Belsonic Marty. Still, three newsworthy stories……..Of how the Browns - why not spell it “Browne” folks then you really could be like the Smiths ‘with a y’ with a fancy name instead of trying to keep up with them in the decorating stakes – but I digress – apparently the new bathroom has a maritime motif now. I believe bus loads of people are turning up to see it. If you had given it a religious theme Belinda, then they could have had a rub of the relic when they visited. Explain it to her Alan!.....Of how Brian “The Original Dander” Smith skittled a head which was holding four by trailing the jack and reduced it to one and said “It’s safer there!” ………Of how Belsonic Marty while shepherding his kids down a dark hallway and telling them to be careful of the overhead beam, fell arse over tip down a hole. Par for the course Marty boy! Par for the course!! AND finally on the Mixed Triples……… LISTEN brother, I know you have just joined but you have been at other clubs and yes we know you have played skip – you told us…… several times - but……….when you play lead, you say nowt and you certainly do not call shots in front of your second. I am surprised she did not scratch your eyes out. You may urge your own bowl forward orally as I often do, with largely no effect, but that is where it ends………… matey! A Jeremy Corbyn lookalike whom I believe is somebody’s husband turned up for the Mixed Triples and I said to one of the Girlies as a witty aside…”Look! There’s Jeremy Corbyn!” She looked closely for a while and said “No it’s not him. I saw him on TV in London earlier on!” Bless!! LISTEN love…it is not Armagh Road Bowls, nor skimming pebbles over a lake, nor simulating the bouncing bombs in The Dambusters, nor heaving a boulder at a dog who has just fouled your garden….. it is LAWN Bowls where a smooth release is the order of the day. WHICH Scissor Sister asked me to turn on the floodlights as “my Sean can’t see!” AND talking Scissors Sisters….. which other one did not know what a large one was? IN a mixed convivial gathering at the Triples one of the Girlies remarked on the clarity of skin of a certain seventy nine year old Vet. Another said, “That is because he does not abuse himself!” I make no comment other than….. “would expect no less Dommo old son…..would expect no less!” TWO versions of a totally fictional story…. The names are randomly assigned! Deirdre “George came home from bowls last night. He was very uncommunicative. I poured him a large glass of Jack Daniels and Cinnamon but he did not even touch it. He just sat there staring into space with his hands between his knees rocking back and forward. He didn’t even watch Match of the Da.y This has been happening a lot recently. There is a lot of distance between us. I feel he does not want to open up to me. Maybe it is me. Maybe I should try to understand him more. I remember when we first got married and we used to do everything together. Oh how we laughed! Now there is nothing. Anyway, I went to bed before him and told him to come up when he felt ready and that if he wanted to talk that I was there for him. I wore that special red silk nightgown, you know – the one made by La Perla. He came up about two hours later and just turned on his side without saying Goodnight. I could feel his shoulders heaving and knew he was crying. I pulled him in to me and held him, kissing the back of his neck. He started to relax and turned round to me, eventually returning my kisses. I drew him closer to me and he lowered the straps of the negligee ……slowly, like peeling the skin from a banana. Butterflies which had lain dormant in my stomach for some time began to awaken. Slowly we began to make love like synchronized swimmers in tandem, for what seemed a delicious eternity. Finished, we lay back spent and empty as two gun cartridges after a pheasant shoot. I feel we are regaining what we had all those years ago.” George “Gutted! Lost by a single shot to Hilden. Had a quickie with the missus though!” AND for the girlies………read a proper love story at https://www.facebook.com/PaulAnthonyAuthor/posts/729331400539221 See….not so hard nosed after all……… eh ladies!!!! AND for the neurotic among you…..you think nobody knows about your little hobby don’t you…… yes we do……all of us! AND on McGarrity’s trip to the Big Apple….he was forced to pay a ten dollar tip for a five yard carrying of a suitcase by an Afro American hotel porter. A similar Afro American wearing nowt but a throng – or is it thong – offered him a hands on “hug” for five dollars in Times Square. His missus declined for him. Ah well Peter – nearest you will get on both accounts to tasting the cocoa bean!! GENTLEMAN Jim McGetterick played a triples game last week….without his missus supporting!!! WHO was 18-12 up in a recent singles game then went to the toilet and popped in to the locker room to see who he would be playing in the next round. Well? Who was it to be? Nobody….cos you were summarily dumped on your pompous ass!!! FURTHER congrats to the Girlies on their section of the web page. It is…… well………informative! Just like reading a noticeboard!! Til next time…. Keep strokin’ the kitty! HEY everybody……Mrs Belinda Brown got a new bathroom. She brought me up to see it. It has….well…..tiles, a shower, a toilet, a washbasin, more tiles, nice smelling things and….. stuff. When it was finished, she sat down on the throne and admired it……..for quite some time apparently. It’s a bathroom Belinda for Chrissake…..you really need to get out more. Although on the plus side it is somewhere you can hide when Big AL starts chasing you around the house in that little game you play….you know….the one he told me about….. “The Gamekeeper and the Naughty Milkmaid!!!!
Alan: “Where are youuuuuuuuuu?” Belinda: No answer Alan: “I have something for youuuuuuuuuu! Belinda: No answer Alan: “If you don’t tell me where you are, the rough gamekeeper will put you over his knee and spank you!” Belinda: “I might be in the bathroom sir! Do I still get smacked……please? AND talking Belinda………I was there…….I heard it with my own eyes……In the Mixed Triples…. “Come on Sean! Knock me up!” As I have said before, this column writes itself!! AND in the same game…….Carlos the Jackal apparently found it hugely funny that as second I called a short shot as “two big ones!” WHO da man? Ask Smokin Joe Frazer………….the aforesaid Jackal is…that’s who. AND speaking of Mixed Triples, no matter how you view it, it is a bit of fun. You do not pick your team so do not complain if you are slotted in with someone who is not of your ability. And thanks to those who were not afraid to put their names down. We missed the hamburgers though. Come back Gerry “Listeria” Lee….all is forgiven! There is nothing nicer than one of your Big Whoppers! But I have to admit that last year, with every innuendo intended, one of your Girlie helpers tried to palm me off with cheap tomato sauce in the back lounge!!!!!!! OK! I gotta fess up to this one, cos if I don’t, you are gonna here it from someone else!!..........Now this cudda happened on lane six, the farthest from the Clubhouse with me wearing a nondescript grey top and nobody would have seen. But it happened on the show rink with me wearing a bright red Albania tee shirt in front of the assembled village elders. Yes, I could not find my bowl! Yes I strode up and down the lane twice, looking for it! Yes I migrated on to the next lane to see if it had been inadvertently lifted and played! Yes I searched under coats, towels and even in the bins. Yes I told the delightful Denise McMahon, that bowl she showed me from the other end of the lane was not mine! Yes it was! I had played the previous end with only two bowls! Now this would not normally cause a stir, but the assembled masses thought it was humungus and told me to make sure it appeared on the blog. Well it has, now get over it! It’s only mixed triples for Chrissake! WITH the trend of silly old gits (see last week’s column on Marty boy Moore) trying to “get down” with their sons, rumour has it that Sean “The Post” Magorrian now wants to be called Seanbo to be cool like his son Jimbo. AND still on Marty Moore…..remember last week that after the Belsonic fiasco he retired to the Premier Inn with his cub? Now………..what are Premier Inns renowned for???? A good night’s sleep. Their beds are handcrafted in Mongolia with cotton sheets sourced from artisan peasants on the Nile Delta. So where does Marty crash out??? On the freakin’ bathroom floor!!!! Great role model for your cub Marty boy!!! AND talking of Seanbo and Jimbo….. who was spotted necking early morning pints while his bride of less than twenty four hours was searching for him. He had just popped out to take the air and have some freshly brewed coffee with his da………..apparently. It’s OK Jimbo, I know she does not read this!! But I am sure someone will tell her!! AND speaking of “Belsonic” Marty, do you know his Email address now begins with “martiemusic”. I am sure we could all think of something more appropriate! WHAT do Frank Rossi of the Quo and newboy Sean McMcMahon have in common? Is it that they both wear green waistcoats…………or is it something else. It might be that one plonks the strings of a guitar and the other is just a plonker? Get used to it Seany boy. You signed up for bowls….be prepared to take it in the mush occasionally. GERRY Doherty….stick to digging holes sonny. Apparently John Travolta has nothing whatsoever to worry about after your performance last weekend. And remember when you go on the Jolly Boys’ outing in August, not everyone has to sing. Barney “The Monseigneur” Griffin tried it once….just once….………………. PETER McGarrity as you may know gave up “shit food”, in an attempt to look good for his trip to the States. Bet you got no crap when you were there Petesy Boy! And we know you are a tad reticent when it comes to tipping. Bet you were forced to do it there my little pecunious poppet! And if you have indeed given up the monounsaturated carbs, why were you seen tucking into KFC and Pizza at your daughter’s surprise graduation party???? Burp! AND still on the subject of food……..well I think it’s food…………I got his from the horse’s mouth, not from one of my team of touts………do you know what the aforesaid Peter likes of a Christmas morning…a good ole ham shank! His words – not mine! I kid you not. Someone explain it to the Girlies please! AND a little segue (excuse the lack of acute accent on the e ) …… Dear Mr. Skip….why did you keep running up the green after your bowls in the Gentlemen’s Triples? If it was me, if the first three did not do the job, I would have stopped!!! I lied Jon Boy….you didn’t think I would let this one go did you???!!!Posted last week on Jon Boy’s FB page, a glass of cheap sparkling wine with a Moet and Chandon cork thrown casually beside it. You are foolin’ nobody laddie….who do you think you are? Me!!!! AND for the neurotic among you, you know that when you go to the gents that one of us is sitting in a cubicle watching you…………. don’t you! STOP Press….apparently the De Bruns are unable to play their little game as the bathroom has no door. Alan took it off to paint it and has yet to hang it again. I know that when it is done Alan mate, it will be well hung!!! DUE to a surfeit of information, Fifty Shades of Falls is deferred to next week! Til next time…….. Keep stroking the kitty! CAN I remind my sources once again, that the Copy Desk closes on a Friday night to enable me get my stuff to the Distribution Manager Jon Given. This can be somewhat of a difficult logistical exercise as the guy is usually stewed by 9.00pm and has the follow up shakes on Saturday morning so presuming he does not succumb to the pink stuff after the game later on, I can be reasonably sure that the column will go live on Sunday.
APPROS of this, last Sunday I was having a leisurely breakfast of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs with Civet Coffee ( Google it!) and Rankin’s Wheaten Bread when my chief tout Patrick Butler MSc (not forgetting the commendation ) interrupted my Mahler’s Third Symphony to tell me that at the aforementioned match against Ballymena last week, Peter McGarrity would not eat the beans as they were not Heinz. Sauce too runny was it petal? Not the right texture precious? I hope any Ballymena Boys reading this will know what to do the next time Picky Peter arrives for prandials in your Club. I know what I would do! What a prissy poppet. I hope your bride cooks your duchesse potatoes the way your mammy used to do with just the right amount of chopped chives sprinkled though not on top cos if they are sprinkled on top I know you will not eat them! Perhaps that is why I see you popping in to Mumsie’s house on a regular basis. “Mammy, no one makes cupcakes the way you do it! Can I bring some home with me. I will keep them in my shed at the Club along with my nudie books!” Funny ….another ex President, the one who had the extra sausages, positively hovered up the offending haricots!!! And BTW….when he was spotted lurking around St. George’s Food Market last week it was not foot long frankfurters with sauerkraut he was looking for, but stuffed olives. Oooooh!!!! Suits you sir! More on Pete’s food preferences next week! THANKS are due to Mrs Joe Dolan, in the absence of Mrs Stevie “Torticollis” Smyth, for her deportment and etiquette advice to Billy T in advance of Friday’s wedding of the year. Our own version of Hyacinth Bucket eh? Perhaps she could be hired for the Girlie seminar programme as a consultant! Hubby’s innate finesse and savoir faire must have rubbed off on her! WORD of warning……….never ever leave a pint unprotected in the company of Father Eugene “the Minesweeper”. Sean Magorrian bought one, went to get a seat and by the time he had returned which was a matter of seconds, the cunning cleric had necked half of it. The apologetic, angelic look apparently did not cut it with the good Magorrian! Nice one Eugene! THE WAGS were out in evidence on Wednesday night. Mrs Dessie McGlue brought “diddums” out a nice warn fleecy jacket in the middle of the game to keep him from the cold and a certain Scissor Sister sat enthralled in the Jocks Lounge willing on “my Sean” in his first game. Bless! My other half, however, sat at home watching the football and necking my Jamesons whiskey which I had secreted away – not carefully enough obviously! WHICH Paul Sloan was absolutely bursting with pride because his bride single handedly won the game for the Girlies’ B team in Ballee NOW…this is a doozie! Which Mike Marty Moore – as he now likes to be called - made an utter arse of himself at the recent Belsonic gig featuring that well known disc jockey David Guetta. He was seen walking around – on the pretence of supervising his kid I may add – with a banana - or is it a bandana on his balding head, a glow stick and a can of Voddie and Red Bull in his hand uttering uber cool phrases like “Right On Man!” “Bring it on Babeeee!!” “Groovy!” and “That’s what I’m talking ‘bout!” I am sure your sprog Callum, whom you were supposed to be supervising, was mortified! In spite of what you thought laddie, the general consensus was that you were just being silly! I am told he had all the YMCA moves, did his own version of the moonwalk and ‘got down’ with the other cool kids…whose average age was sixteen and a quarter. Some of the revellers thought he was a bouncer as he seemed to spend most of his time hovering around the toilets and one occasion stopping a young couple from going in together unless he got down on one knee and proposed to her!! Listen laddie – get a pic taken. I can assure you that when you see it, it will not happen again. And where did the party animal go after the gig? To pop some “E tabs” in the Customs Square, for a rave in Milk Niteclub? No the local Premier Inn for a good night’s sleep with the sprog who by all accounts had more tongue at the gig than my local butcher! Martin…I have always thought you were er…um…special! You certainly are mate!!!! WE have all heard about throwing keys in the corner at swinger parties, or clasping them over one’s rear pocket if one is a tad festive? But what if one hangs them down, tantalisingly over one’s crotch? What does that mean? Ask Gerry “Gravedigger” Doherty. Maybe he will tell you! WHO is getting a job lot done in hospital very soon? Mark Lecky – that’s who. Getting a hernia repair and while he is there getting another few bits snipped off …if you get my drift….apparently! WHICH Pat Murphy took his bride away for a romantic weekend to Sligo for one night only using his Over Sixty Five Pass. Did you pack some Sanatogen TonicWine as well to help with the wooing process???? Did you also book into the local YMCA and treat her to a Big Mac – shared of course! THOUGHT you had escaped Jimmy boy didn’t you after last week? Thought we were finished with you? Yeah you….Frazer! Thought I would not hear about it. Well I did and I now share with the group. When one transfers between clubs they normally adopt the full mantle of the new one. Not Jimmy “The Stapler” Frazer. Instead of getting his club badge sewn on, what does he do? He uses a staple gun to attach it. Not thinking of staying laddie? Maybe you are waiting on a better offer? Just like the Mainland football team, it shows a clear lack of commitment methinks! AND for the neurotic among you …..thought we had forgotten about you too eh? Never a bit! Remember we were talking about your Facebook friends last week? You know they are not realfriends don’t you? And what’s more they do not read what you write. They simply “unfollow” you so they do not see your “stuff”. That is why you do not get any “likes” on your page. Just thought I’d tell you! AT the girlies’ match on Thursday, there was a spare dinner brought out by the delightful Denise McMahon and she asked for takers. It was eventually taken after much touting but Pat Butler said he would have taken it immediately only I would have written about it in the blog. Sooooo he did not take it………… and I did not write about it! AND ….finally before you hear it from someone else…... Yes I was in the Club on Thursday with my three week old grand daughter who has not been at all well. Yes I was goin’ all gooey over her with hugs, kisses and coochie coos! So what….does not mean I am a bad person!! Til next time………. Keep stroking the kitty FOR the neurotic among you, how many people would have remembered your birthday if it had not been for Facebook!
LISTEN folks………he told me himself. I did not hear it second hand – it came from his own mouth. George Keatings has a man room at the top of his house where he does “Man Things”. He calls it “The Cave”. I kid you not! Sometimes people make it too easy for me!!!! I have been taken to task by Mrs Sean Magorrian over my comments in last week’s blog about her boy and a German brothel. She wants me to make it clear if he was indeed in a brothel, which he was not………..probably….….. then it most certainly wudda been a Catholic one! And note that she paid the balance of her son’s Mild Boys’ trip to Dublin but not that of hubby. Hubby was not amused! FURTHER to my post last week about Gary McWilliams and his special Saturdays with his bride...good to see he was given permission by the selectors to be AWOL from the last A team match..... Sort of a conjugal leave of absence you might say….diddums! BRING out the stocks, the cabbages and rotten tomatoes and put Liam Trainor, Hon Treasurer, Acting Captain of the Midweek B and general all round nice guy in them. Why? Cos he forgot to fly the flag at last week’s game. Thanks Stevie Stiff for pointing it out. We can all rest easy in our beds – single or otherwise - knowing that you are on hand to tie up loose ends! AND thanks to Pat Butler for switching off the lights during the Midweek B game two weeks ago when the visibility improved. You saved myself and Liam Trainor – who BTW turned them on by our own selves, the bother! Decision making and initiative at its finest! I have been reliably told by one of my senior touts That Gerry “The Multilinguist” Lee bought himself and his little imaginary friend two pints last week. He thought he was sitting with John “Get The Arm In” Kerr apparently. YOU might also want to ask the good Lee about bus drivers who drive right past him while he is standing at the stop. AND talking bus drivers …..which in house bus driver did the same to Jimmy Armstrong? Jimmy boy saw the bus, flagged it down with a wave …..and the bus drive gave him a cheery wave in return….and drove straight on by! WHO was on £50 Draw duty last week when Carol Ann’s Da won the aforesaid £50? The aforesaid Carol Ann’s Da…that is who! Did he return the winning ticket to the box??? Did he frig!! I have a few scribbled notes in my little purple book about Alan and Belinda De Brun. Unfortunately due to their hospitality at the time of writing I cannot decipher them. Any help would be appreciated. They have something to do with “keeping up with the Smyths”, “peeing in a bucket” and “carpet burns”. Thanks ever so! ALSO, I wrote down some gems from Pat Butler on a back of a till receipt but have mislaid it. If found please return. AND talking till receipts, it is NOT acceptable when rummaging in one’s trousers for money to buy a pint, to find three receipts and just buck them on the floor! Bad form, especially from someone so important in the Club! BERNADETTE McCullough popped her head through the Male Locker Room door on Tuesday evening at her Girlie rehearsal and said “Any Jacks in here?” Quick as a flash Harry “Three Stripes” retorted, “Nope….we have a Pat, a Harry, a Paul, a Liam but nobody called Jack”. Sharp as a tennis ball that guy. Don’t think she was best pleased! A new term for a shite bowl….. “I threw it across myself!” Course you did Mr. Magorrian! WHICH Jim Frazer was not able to stay for tea at Ballymena as he did not have a bib for the beans which were being served. Do not worry Jimmy boy, the coffee stains already on the shirt would have complimented them nicely….a short of food Feng Sui you might say. I can see the next time you go to a trendy bistro and the waiter will say “Shall I serve the gravy now sir, or will I just pour it directly down your shirt!!” AND apparently, a certain ex Pres thought the oversize sausages at Ballymena were the pants!! Perhaps that is why he was lurking around St. George’s Food Market on Friday looking for some! WHO boasted about jumping off the top of the wardrobe as a precursor to rumpy pumpy?? I’ve seen you recently matey….more like crawling from underneath it and taking a puff of your inhaler then an out of date Viagra before getting down to the convivials!! And for those who keep asking me…no I don’t have any connections for this kind of stuff………..anymore! There is no demand anyway! AND I know a joke about wardrobes. Robin Hood was lying on his deathbed and said to Little John, “Give me my trusty bow. I will fire an arrow through the window and wherever it lands, that is where I will be buried!” John helped the feeble frame up and placed the bow and arrow in his hands. Robin mustered up all his strength and drew back the arrow and let fly. It landed on top of the wardrobe! WHO from BT10 comes in to the ghetto to get her roots done in the girlie barbers facing the Club on a regular basis? I thought that the Care in the Community scheme would have sent a female barber to her house to cut and Clairol the tresses – given her age! AND to the OCD laddie who parks in the exact same space in a largely empty car park every morning for the Vets rehearsal…..the more you do it laddie, the more I will get in five minutes early and take your coveted spot. AND to those who continue to park in the Disabled areas?? DON’T! AND talking parking…..yes dearie, you are still doing it – straddling two spaces. It is not that difficult pet especially when the car park is half empty. It is not as if you are driving a 4x4 SUV. AND those of you who continue to drop spent cig ends in the ditch……again DON’T! Until next time Keep strokin’ the kitty……… |
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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