Remember before you read……all of the blog will mean something to all members and some of it will mean something to some members and all of it will mean nothing to some members.
In the new season, I will be awarding the occasional pre nominal title of ̍ King to certain members of the Club. Only a few will receive it! There is one award in this edition. Now, if I went to Lisdoonvarna with my missus and I went to the bar to buy her an adult refreshment and when I came back some cad was sitting in my seat chatting her up what would I do? Three options spring to mind (a) nut him most severely (b) send him a good strongly worded letter as people in Falls BC are prone to do when they have a problem with a fellow member (c) pull up another seat and sit down beside them and start chatting! The third option was the one taken by John “The Stare” Kerr!!!! It is lack of aggression like this which leaves most of our teams languishing outside the promotion zone! You would think that organising the seating for the President's dinner would be an easy enough task? Never a bit of it! Rather than just sitting people at random, Pat Butler MSc (with Commendation) generously asked guests with whom they would like to be seated. Rather than receiving three/four names of choice, he was given lists of others with whom people did NOT wish to sit. Sooooo…. if YOU were placed beside a bogey, you NOW know the reason why! No one else was prepared to do it. And if you are a bogey yourself and you were seated beside someone you have admired for some time…. read the previous sentence…..NO ONE ELSE WAS PREPARED TO DO IT!!!!! And for the neurotic among you, EVERYBODY wanted to sit beside you………… of course they did!! When Uncle Hugo Duncan was doing his Singalong With The Wrinklies” in the big hall, some footage was posted on the Club website and as a result it had more “hits” than the total attendance at Cliftonville FC football matches for the past five years. Thanks to Brian “the Original Dander” Smith and the “senior doorman” for taking care of logistics. And btw, why is he called the “wee man from Strabane”? Which selector was deemed to be of “limited ability on the green” after the AGM. And BTW, is it not time we had standing orders in place for further meetings? This would stop people who like to hear the sound of their own voice(s) speaking more than twice on a topic! See also Social Club Committee Meeting below….. And BTW 2…..thanks to my fellow committee members for letting me off doing the £50 draw rota of a Friday as I have commitments to my recovering beloved in that country which abuts the sovereign borders of our wee province! Which head groundsman and greenkeeper has been known to try to emulate Bear Grylls by sleeping in his home without any electricity of an occasional weekend? I think we should revisit the amount we pay our hired help. Who is the main party animal in the Club? Perhaps one of the OCD corner members which foregather on a Sunday afternoon then a Monday night but with different members? No! Brendan Rice who can down seven pints in an hour? No! Alan Brown who had a second glass of lager whilst celebrating his wife's birthday??? No….I'll tell you who. The old pink cider drinker himself…. Jon “Turbo Trunks” Given. Never freakin' stops…. Away most weekends with his missus, and when at home, out most nights of the week at some eaterie or club. Check out his Facebook page! Way to go laddie!!!! Only two stories of note from the President's Banquet. Who reported that his “do-dah” came off in his hands in the Gents Toilet? And…….Billy Niblock wishes to thank the “twins” for making it a very good night for him! J J They made an old man very happy!! Or is it a happy man very old?? And talking old men, I hear that Danny Boy Cregan is on the manager's list in Asda as being a Victor Meldrew type to be watched out for. I am sure it is not true! Congratulations to Maire and Marion for providing quality provender for the prandials at Monsignor Barney Rubble's ordination. Artisan bread, pates, olives and cheese and biscuits to go with the wine. Beats the glutimus maximus outta the perennial sausage rolls and sarnies with Lidl fillings that are normally dished up. Still you cannot please all the punters all the time. One was overheard to say “I don't eat that crap and I don't drink wine!!” Neither do the unfortunate starving souls in central Africa, dearie! And congratulations to ex President Kevin who rose from a sick bed to squirrel up the inside lane in the food queue and bag a plate the size of a certain A team player's ego! You heard it hear first folks! DO NOT on the peril of you lives miss a Social Club AGM ever again. This year's was spectacular, the best free entertainment this side of the Sperrin Mountains. People snapping at one another, accusing one another, nitpicking, etc etc. There was even a row about the pre selection of tellers and new ones had to be nominated from the floor. What would have happened if too many had been nominated? Elect tellers to count the votes for the tellers who would then be elected as tellers who would then count the votes for the elections? Yip…that silly!! For some strange reason one hundred and thirty one souls turned out and the long serving, mild mannered ̓ King Jim McCormack was replaced by a girlie! The aforesaid one hundred and thirty one received drinks vouchers but I hear that some were sold on the black market as I am told people who did not attend the meeting were seen exchanging them for recreational beverages at the bar as well as some who were not even full members!!! A very comprehensive financial report was presented. It was good to see that the phone bill was down for the first time in years – by almost four hundred pounds! Well done whoever was responsible! J As usual the Vets “do” went swimmingly with record numbers attending and only one small skirmish between two people, one of whom should know better. One wonders how many would attend if it was called the “Old Folks Do!” Again, it is a pity that those who could declare for the wrinklies seem to be able to attend this bash but not play on a team? Bad form all round! The Jolly Boys annual Christmas outing visited a selection of sophisticated drinking emporiums in downtown Belfast. Led by William Trainor, the following caroused into the wee small hours: the small but perfectly formed Pepe Lee, John “the Stare” Kerr, Kevin “Who ate the Pies?” Brennan, the Stiff One, and Sean “The Parcel” Magorrian.. William T informs me that they found both the National Club and the Cloth Ear to be strange places. I am surprised that they actually let you in to one, and did not let you out of the other establishment! I could not be there as I was in Lapland at the time where I learned that in addition to being shite at bowls I was also equally shite at husky riding, skidooing and tobogganing! When a five year old kid zooms past you on the junior piste it is time to think about taking up tiddlywinks again! I trust that all your sofas have been delivered in time for Christmas and remember that it is a time for remembering the birth of Jesus and not Santa! Until the pre season blog Keep stroking the kitty………….
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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