THE following Public Service Announcement will become a weekly feature until people stop parking in Disabled Parking spaces without a Blue Badge.
THE following cars were parked illegally on Monday lunchtime….a beige Rover and blue Peugot. ON Monday at 4.00pm…… a turquoise Nissan Micra. I was away for the rest of the week otherwise others would have been mentioned! WHO turned up for a Four Bowls Pairs match six days, twenty three hours and thirty minutes early??? Billy T and Dominic G….that’s who! Better than Michael G who did not turn up at all. Apparently someone shudda reminded him the day before……..!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry Michael…next time, before you sit down in the lounge, I will get a minion to warm the seat for you and maybe even order you your drink!!!! And then before you go to bed, I could send a person up to squeeze your toothpaste for you! THE next piece is courtesy of “Gumboil” McCorry. Who carries around a boot load of fizzy drinks in the back of his car……….just in case??? Anyway they were apparently much appreciated by his team mates at a recent game they played in sweltering conditions. Do you have bags of sweeties as well Geordie boy!!! TO all my touts….some of your stuff may appear in the end of season “In the Ditch” Awards instead of the Column eg the stuff Harry “Three Stripes” S gave me on Butsie! HEY….Carol Anne Parker! Yes you! I am the one with the signature long hair in the Club! Get it cut laddie, We can’t have you lookin as cool as me…can we now! APPARENTLY the blog is “childish and puerile” ….. Well now! Firstly it is meant to be and I really should take the remark as a compliment! Secondly the juxtaposition of the two adjectives is an example of tautology which is poor use of English. Thirdly, if I wanted to raise the level I would introduce little posers such as “Critically evaluate the negative effects of regulative institutions on black males between the ages of eighteen and twenty seven in the state of Florida with specific reference to Blackmore jail in Orange County.” Fourthly, I bet you allowed your kiddies to have the period from 5.23 pm and 5.46pm every day to enjoy themselves didn’t ya! Fifthly, why do you keep reading it? Bet you had a quiet giggle! Go on you know you did! Sixthly if I printed the real stuff, it would show what a boring crowd of old farts we are. SO do you want it to be like this, cos I can do it!!!….. The A and B teams both won on Saturday. They had tea then finished off the evening with a few pints. Some left early to go to evening Mass, others went home to catch up on recordings of the Antiques Roadshow. On Sunday some went to the Club for some more pints and discussed how the opposition were lying three until Rab Gilbert - who by the way has changed his medication as it as giving him the runs - took them out by the roots. Then they watched Celtic also taken out by the roots by John The Baptist Primary School Under Ten five a side team. Nobody did much on Monday….the Vets tried to field a team but without the assistance of those who were eligible to play, but could not be bothered, they couldn’t, and in the evening the OCD corner met and discussed when was the best time to move from a ten tog value down to a four point five. Pat McCallion had four pints instead of his usual three and one half. The card school was held on Tuesday. Somebody complained about the amount of new women more interested in looking for men than holding a Texan…if that is the correct term. On Wednesday the Midweek teams played. Somebody won and somebody lost. Who cares, they are only pond dwellers…… apparently! On Thursday everybody went to Sainsbury’s to do shopping. All except some of the Ladies who preferred M and S and Lakeland. On Friday night, some of the A team arranged to have a roll up in advance of the Saturday game to get acquainted with the match settings, but decided to stay at home and watch television instead!!! SHALL I continue???? STRIKING fear into Vets teams across our wee country!!.... https://www.facebook.com/fallsbowlingclub/videos/vb.178326022206423/882845395087812/?type=2&theater AND the Smiths with a “y” got a full make over on the outside of the house. That must have dug into the retirement fund folks! At your age too!!! I thought you would be praying for a happy death instead!!!! AND talking Smyths….whose digger fell down the hole it was digging around his other house in the land of the free and had to be extricated using a complex mathematical formula? AND…who recommends the Silver Tassie to all his mates, but would not eat there himself! The aforesaid Stiff One, that’s who. He recommended it to McGarrity who ordered a chicken stir fry and…………… found a piece of chicken in it! AND talking skips…. A reminder all those who are playing second in two and four bowl pairs - you are not really skips so stop acting like you are! AND more on the De Bruns…I was in the Club and saw that Alan had not signed off for his latest game so I texted the delicious Belinda and asked her would I do it for him. So she said “Yes tick him off!” So here goes…. “Alan you are one lazy SOB…. when is the last time you made your bride breakfast? When is the last time you took her out for a romantic meal? A packet of crisps with her half pint of cider in the Club does not count”. There ya go Belinda, well and truly ticked off….….no need to thank! IF someone can give me the name of the “bird” Danny Boy Cregan was seen walking out with I would be ever so grateful!! AND just because you have a girlie car Vince Baby, it does not mean that you have to drive like one. Indicators would be appreciated when leaving the Club in front of me – I am not a mind reader - and it is acceptable to pull out into the road when the nearest car city bound is up at St. Agnes Church and the one country bound is at ASDA – both at least three hundred yards away - for those of you who live outside the ghetto! FOR the neurotic among you…imagine you are applying for a job. Give a brief description of yourself outlining your achievements and interests to date. No more than one hundred words. What’s that I hear you say………….???? THIS will mean something to just a few people but apparently John Tierney knows more about manure than he does about music!! PROOF that girlies can indeed multi task. I spotted one smoking, chewing gum and talking at the same time. Quality representation of your section dearie! Is it not time the seminar programme addressed this form of unladylike behaviour! And apparently bowls is “harder than you think!” according to her! AND equally brilliant, one of the correspondents to the comments section of the Blog refers to the Mixed Triples as “The Swingers Triples!” Perhaps he knows something that should be shared with the rest of the group. He can always tell me…it will go no further! Til next time………… Keep stroking the kitty
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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