Who sidled into the Club last Thursday like a cross between the Pink Panther and a crab, secreting his bowls behind his back so no one could see? Eddie the Onion, that’s who! And why? ‘Cos they were bright purple and he was gonna try them out, that’s why. Listen laddie, aren’t you a tad old for purple bowls!! Even I do not use mine on the home pitch! They are kept for the winter training facility at Shaw’s Bridge He was followed closely by Liam Trainor and his green tartan shorts. What style Liam. Dare you to wear them to the Mixed Triples Finals which you will undoubtedly be watching from the bleachers!! Who, en route to Castleton for a Midweek B game, dashed into McDonalds at Kennedy Way for a double cheeseburger, large fries, onion rings and a side of chicken nuggets and a milk shake. Paul McGeough that’s who! Apparently he had not eaten since lunchtime when he only had a 12 oz sirloin with fries (again) and this time sautéed onions (burp!). He made it to the away pitch at 6.29 pm telling his co travellers that they should not have worried as he did in fact make it on time. I am happy to state that the comments attributed to Jim Lowe last week were only partially correct. I must check my sources more closely! Unfortunately I have had to pull the story of the German porn star because the younger Magorrian twin shaved off his moustache!! Forgot to include this in last week’s column. You may remember Neil Diamond and the John Tierney Tribute Band were in the Province recently. Where was he directed to on his day off? Causeway Coast? Titanic Quarter? Mournes? Nope! Donaghadee – that’s where. Just wanted the sea air did you Neil baby??? Quality choice! You were directed well!!! When I phoned my current squeeze to tell her I had been dispatched by young Maxi in the Vets singles I was told “Yes I thought he would he would beat you!” The support of a good woman eh? Bet Andy Murray’s bride did not tell him that when good old Roger creamed him!!! If you are in a mood for some bubbling conversation, get yourselves along to the Tom Kennedy Memorial corner, known by some of the rougher sorts as the OCD corner, of a Sunday Morning where Brendan Griffen holds court for a small group of aficionados. Not to be missed. Even Bobby Murray turns up occasionally. Jeez I thought you had suffered enough mate. For those of you in the Savings Scheme it is apparently permissible to lodge stuff other than cash. A certain ex Secretary recently lodged four dozen cans of Tennants so get into your lofts and dig out old Beatles 45s, Compendiums of Games, bags of door knobs and your old crepe shoes. You never know what you will get for them. Who was caught by the security system in Asda’s trying to steal face cream and was frisked and was put up against the wall to see if she had any other unctions secreted about her body. Mrs Stephen Smyth …that who!! She was told not to shop in the store any more, was given a warning and told by the police to leave the jurisdiction of our wee six counties. OK…….. only a very tiny bit of this is true – well actually hardly any - and I of course embellish the story, but I am short of stuff! Talk to her for the true version! It is well known that the Japanese use umbrellas to shade themselves from the sun. Well Tommy McKiernan Sensai, at the Girlies’ semi final did just that but did not cover his two lady friends who ended up looking like Maine Lobsters while Thomas was as white as Jon Given after a rake of pink ciders!!. Way to go Tommy San! The generosity of Peter McGarrity knows no bounds. After putting £1,000 across the bar at the recent nuptials to pay for social lubricants for the guests the waitress came up at the end of the night to give him back the underspend of £100. His words were “ Don’t embarrass me love, just keep it!” A true Arthur Daley! What a benefactor, what style what a………….. Driver Alert Number Two……………..NEVER NEVER NEVER travel to Larne or anywhere else for that matter with Mrs Deirdre Keatings’ husband. There is not a freakin thing he does not know about roadworks………..that short white lane markings are nine metres apart and cats eyes are eighteen metres apart, that small cones cost eight pounds etc etc etc . And most importantly if there is an area of chevrons If the area is marked with chevrons and bordered by solid white lines you MUST NOT enter it except in an emergency see Laws MT(E&W)R regs 5, 9, 10 & 16, MT(S)R regs 4, 8, 9 & 14, RTA sect 36 & TSRGD 10(1). I could write a whole blog on the interesting facts he knows. Quote of the week: Rosemary Dunbar to Harry “Three Stripes”……. “What’s that you’ve got in your pocket?” Top end technology has reached he Club. Someone has surreptitiously left biros in a box beside the HB2s. You’ll have to up your game Jimmy “the Sharpener” although as they belong to a neighbourhood bookie, they can only be used twice before they run out! Congrats to the Girlies on getting to the all Ireland Final. I hope if you win that someone can deliver the acceptance speech “as Gaelige” as they do when they lift the Sam Maguire Trophy or whatever the Girlie equivalent of it is. If you are having problems, please see our resident Irish Speaker, Sean όg de Bhaltún. He can help!! Can the Jocks come and watch? We will behave ourselves we promise!!!!! Martin Parker wanted to streak across the pitch with the Club emblem tattooed on his belly and the Blogmeister wanted to do similar with it tattooed elsewhere but there was not enough ink…..know what I’m sayin’ ? Keep the chalk wet……………
6 Comments
Dizzi Rascal
22/7/2015 02:44:17 am
Blogmeister,
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Blogmeister
22/7/2015 08:33:27 am
Dear Diz.......I am at odds with the pic that displeased you. Having perished latest postings I can find nothing to discommode even my hamster. Bring your concerns to the Webmeister who is a totall different entity
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Dizzi Rascal
22/7/2015 09:11:33 am
Dear Blogmeister,
Reply
Blogmeister
22/7/2015 09:40:42 am
The latter pic which I posted on my own FB page drew a ribald comment that I had just passed wind😡 The first pic......the good lady offered to go down as neither the cowpoke or I would not have been able to get back up.
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Dizzi Rascal
22/7/2015 10:16:55 am
Dear Blogmeister,
Reply
Blogmeister
23/7/2015 07:35:16 am
Well done......spotting the innuendo 😈
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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