I have been asked to mention that some of our boys and girls are taking part in the Marathon next month in aid of the Hospice. For further details and any sponsorship…. see Murph!
TWO last tit bits from opening day……Which Vets bowlist took a doggy bag of roast beef home for his pooch? The same one who took an unused dessert in another bag, that’s who. A dessert eating dog…..should be on You’ve Been Framed! IT was commented that the reason we do not win games is that we do not eat enough vegetables. They were sent back by the truck load at the dinner. And why is it that they always come round and ask do we want more gravy, but never more wine. In future let the Management Committee sponsor the gravy and we will get someone else to sponsor the wine! Cheapskates! AND a few little observations on Ladies’ Opening Day. Just as well the Fashion Police stayed away: red handbag with green shoes? No dearie! Fusion accessorising at best, lack of style and coordination at worst! Manhattan heels with three quarter length trousers? I think not! Multi coloured carpet slippers pretending to be shoes? NEVER! And a beach bag masquerading as a handbag….well!! It might do for smuggling in a quarter bottle of voddie to the back room of a Sunday but not on opening day!The shampoos, colours and sets were well in evidence but some still opted for the tried and trusted Clairol….you could hardly see the roots - honestly! Even the older Magorrian Twin got in on the act with his pin striped suit, Hugo Boss after shave and brown winkle pickers….looked like Arthur Daly’s Dad! Pity Mrs McGarrity could not find a baby sitter for her young boy Peter. She had to bring him along. Still I am told he was as good as gold even though he threw a tantrum when he was told there was no mince and potatoes. And he had dressed up too…..gone was the Benny outta Crossroads garb which he uses while tending the green! TOMMY Spence is delighted that he is gonna be fed the all the results from all games so that he can pass them on to the media. NO Tommy son, calm down! You don’t rally eat them. Sorry about that!!! AND now that both opening days are over, I have to take the Committee to task for not having an official opening of the tarmac surround. And I presume the Health and Safety Officer walked round it looking for little patches of unevenness less someone should trip God forbid and put in a claim God forbid! MEMO to self……do not take blog notes when I have had more than two sweet sherries. I have some garbled stuff on Brendan McCloskey and Liam Loughran that I cannot decipher. Have them on me laddies as a freebee…I will get you eventually. WHICH caring bowler covers his beloved at night less she gets cold. Jovial Joe Dolan…that’s who and his beloved is not his bride. It is his car which he calls Matilda or Molly or Tiffany or something! It is a pity that groundsman could not do the same with his new barrow and spade. They are left outside at the mercy of the elements. If this goes on we will need to replace them in another twenty years like the last ones. AND…..the aforesaid ’king Joe D was spotted coming out of a certain Deli on the Lisburn Road with a bagful of sophisticated goodies which he smuggled back to the ghetto. Better not let your mates see you scoffing the quail’s eggs dear boy. They might think you are a tad festive. It’s nearly as bad as “Turbo Trunks” Given and his Nancy boy drinks! AND on the subject of things Nancy boy…..which occasional bowler wears lip balm and not always when he is on the pitch! IS it true that when Dan Cregan was rearing his kids he told them that when the ice cream man played his jingles, that he had run out of ice cream! AND on the subject of things Cregan, he was spotted going into town on the bus with his Care in the Community buddies General Lee and Backhand Butler at 11.20 of a Monday morning. Rumour has it they were bringing him to a locksmith to prise open his First Communion Money Box! WHICH other tightwad decided it was time to buy a new fridge after the duck tape holding on the door – for the past three years – eventually would stick no longer!! WHICH MSc (with commendation) graduate has been boasting about how many touchers he has been getting recently? Listen Butsie baby, they have to be bowls related, but well done anyway! Further on the floodlit tournament…..it was just like watching an evening match at Solitude….but with more spectators! And who when he/she heard she/he was playing on a certain rink went out and practised for an hour around noon in an east west direction only to find that the assistant greenkeeper switched it all round to a north south direction. Still any rehearsal is a good rehearsal! MARTIN Michael Moore must have the cleanest bowls in the Club. He takes them home to wash them after every game. Some of the rougher sorts have suggested that he leaves his boy behind to practise and the real reason he slopes off is to have a swift bout of horizontal jogging! AND the aforesaid groundsman from above had to go to the doctor on Thursday as he was feeling a tad under the weather. The doctor informed him that in addition to high BP, he had carpal tunnel syndrome. As I only was mildly aware of what the latter I was googled it and found that one of the causes was and I quote “strenuous, repetitive work with the hand” No further comment is needed! NOTE: The material on the Scissors has been put back until next week. THANKS to those for contributing in the comments section…more please! Until next time….. Keep strokin’ the kitty. PS If you want more of my musings, go to https://www.facebook.com/PaulAnthonyAuthor/ where I maintain a page of my published short stories and stuff!
11 Comments
M Moore's Lawyer
17/4/2016 04:27:30 pm
My client would like to make it absolutely clear that this is slanderous material. I admit my client does clean his bowls and my client is willing to admit he has been horizontal on more than one occasion. However to state that my client is or ever has been involved in "jogging" is completely untrue. My client wishes it to be known that he takes not part in any fitness regimes. I know it's hard to believe with that physique. We would like a full redaction on how fit my client is..
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Dizzi Rascal
18/4/2016 08:08:04 pm
Now that Mr Moore has lawyered up I wonder if his council would like a little more work from the club.
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Blogmeister
17/4/2016 06:46:04 pm
It was Butsie who told me....I only act on trusted sources.... If you want to see the fitness level of your client, I suggest you watch him on the green!
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M Moore's Lawyer
17/4/2016 07:06:16 pm
Watch Butsie on the green to see how fit my client is! There are prisoners in Guantanamo that are tortured by shown videos of Butsie on the green. Your depravity knows no limits :)
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Sean Og
17/4/2016 07:51:29 pm
Thank you Mr Moore's Lawyer!!!
Hector Camacho
18/4/2016 09:52:34 am
I would like it known that Joe Dolan aka "Peter Sutcliffe" has the softest hands and a cultured palate, he told me one day not to bother with the Caciocavallo Podolico as 2015 had been a poor year as the Podolicio had been spooked and thus produced a substandard milk, instead go for the Cathedral City in Asda......class oozes from every pore.
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Dizzi Rascal
18/4/2016 12:14:04 pm
I always prefer a little Dairylea triangle or some dunkers. If I am feeling a little more playful then it has to be Cheese Strings and a Babybel.
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Blogmeister
19/4/2016 05:14:43 pm
Hector....have you felt his soft hands on your person?
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M Moore's Lawyer
19/4/2016 12:19:41 pm
Can we finalise the fitness deal with one of the many comittees within the club? If middle aged men (I am being kind !) are to run around the green then my client(s) have the following demands.
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Blogmeister
19/4/2016 01:10:32 pm
M.Moore's Lawyer...Sir....You make several good points and I would give a positive response to the first two. On point three there is one defribulator in the Club already. There were plans for a second but it was feared it would be used for making toasties! And on point four, if you turn up to the Vets' challenge match next Tuesday, you will see the selectors, neither sitting in the Club, nor running round the Green, nor playing but watching from the bleachers to ensure that everyone is up to scratch!
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Lord of the Rinks
24/4/2016 01:33:29 pm
I would pay good money to see some selectors 'run' around the green!
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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