Hey…….wait a minute!!!! While I greatly appreciate touts, especially those who resemble simpering tell tale school boys, passing me information by sidling up to me while I am having a refreshing beverage, it is not always possible to include your little gems it in the next edition. As I explained before, this is a carefully balanced column which includes, truths, hearsay, speculation and some downright barefaced lies. The Club solicitors are often responsible for a slow turnaround. Material which winds people up will always get preference so please be patient if your material is relegated to a column filler further down the line.
Now…….I have to apologise again for the tardiness of last week’s publication hitting the streets. This was due to my distribution editor who let the drink get the better of him on Sunday, yet again – OK it was his birthday and he was forty one - he says – but a guy who drinks that Nancy boy pink cider really needs to macho up a bit. Check his beloved’s Facebook page for his antics last Wednesday! And on the subject of the shagfest the details of which which was uploaded on an hourly basis, please avoid the Larkin Suite - £300 per night – until it has been totally cleared by the guys in white protection suits!! And………if you dish it out, you gotta be able to take it. Which Blogmeister held a lead of 20-8 over the diminutive but perfectly formed Danny McKinney in the Junior Singles and threw the whole freakin’ lot away? Well played Danny Boy…….your place in the Vets A Team is assured…………….especially as I am a selector!!!!!! L We must commiserate with Joe Rea who apparently slipped in his own Vaseline last week and broke himself. The fact that he had both of his hands in his pockets meant that he went down like a bar room skittle. I will now withhold the story I was going to run on him about his inventive use of toothpaste!! In the same vein, we have to say “heal well” to Gentleman Jim McCormack – the slowest walker in the Club – who has his left arm in a sling as a result of a cortisone injection. He informs me that his right arm I still free to do the things it normally does!!!! For the neurotic amongst you…….do you know when you are playing a Club singles match and there is a marker at the other end. You know he prefers one of you to the other don’t you? And BTW its not you……………..bowl well!!! Maybe it’s just me but has anyone else noticed the distinct lack of reporting on the Midweek matches on the POV section of the NIPGL website. The erudition which is applied to the Big Boys Divisions 1-5 make it seem as if it is of a quality of the English Premiership with comments like clubs being knocked off “The summit of Division 2”. Maybe those with influence could do something and at least get an Irish League equivalent out for the Midweekers at the same time….Go on you Crues!!!!!!! !!!! L Quote of the week from the East Belfast Bullock, to me as I marked his game with the upwardly mobile Martin Parker…. “How far is Martin short?” Get it? Martin Short? I refrained from making the little jokings!!! I have to verify this but which B Team player got a meal deal for one recently???? And on meals who ate all the pies at Ballee in the recent Midweek B match? The Captain Tommy “The Quiz” Spence accused Jimmy “The Crutch” Armstrong who in turn accused him. I think it was Liam Laughran myself and he wasn’t even there. Question………..did Murph get any touchers in his little roll up last Monday???? To the cad who made off with my bowling shoes which were left unattended for one hour during the Vets’ game against Glengormley………..enjoy the fungal infection which will be coming your way shortly!!!! If Dan Cregan’s head gets any bigger, it will nearly be the size of the admiration Michael Moore has for him! And it has been erroneously bandied about the Club that Daniel pays more than careful attention to the pennies. This is a gross untruth because I have it on good authority that he donated a sizeable subvention to the recent Rossa GAA Club appeal. His two figure sum would have bought me five double Jamesons in the Club. Danny, you are a true benefactor! May all your sarnies be made with brown bread. The academics are crawling outta the woodwork. Jim Brankin has a MEd, Martin Short and Michael Gannon a BEd. One each, not one between them! There must be more. We could have a challenge match – The Graduates v the Rest!!!! I know outsiders read this so take note. We all select Captains, Skips, Catering Managers, Transport Managers etc but I think there is a very real need to select an Escape Coordinator to enable visiting teams to vacate the Home Team premises after a respectable length of time ie before the embarrassing silences set in at the post game sarnie fest. We of course do not have this problem as we operate a dual role in Falls. Jackovitch “the Hat” Collinski who is both Midweek Captain and jobbing Rabbi legged it twenty seven seconds after making his maiden away speech at Ards. Can you beat that???? And BTW for Home Teams……….Rabbi Collinski requires kosher sausage rolls at the end of the match Congratulations to the Directors for installing solar panels on the roof. It is bound to cut down on the electricity costs with the gas bills being so high but with other bills being recently halved at one fell swoop, apparently – we should be quids in!!!!!! Know what I’m sayin????……….. Keep the chalk wet………… And PS, if you do not understand the innuendo and inference in any of my columns, please ask others who are in the know - failing that, mail me!! And in next weeks column……the amazing recovery of Fred McCorry, the Webmeister and the Flight Attendant and much much more………….
24 Comments
Always reserved
24/5/2015 05:33:07 am
Talking about the club solicitors, Blogmeister, I watched "My cousin Vinny " recently. A great movie about a bumbling solicitor so I see what you mean. Congratulations to Danny Boy but I do not like those "world class" bowlers that lead you into a false sense of security by letting you go at least 10 shots in front and claw it back. If you are going to demoralise somebody, just get it over and done with :)
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Blogmeister
24/5/2015 08:18:30 am
Always.........according to the good M. Moore, Danny boy is "his hero". What a sad life he must lead!! Re the academics I am now more interested in "outing" those who keep their post nominal letters to themselves. So if anyone knows any secrets, please share!!
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Blogmeister
24/5/2015 10:45:12 am
Bunch of "parvenues" - Google it - only in the Club and trying to take over???? - Falls belongs to the dinosaurs ............and we know it ........and btw did you know barman Dino is a closet line dancer?????
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Sean Og
24/5/2015 12:06:14 pm
First it was an individual A team player going direct to a home game. Now the complete team are gathering in the club house at 5.45 to leave the club at 6. After a wee tour costing £3 per head they will return to Fruithill to play Hilden.
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Always reserved
24/5/2015 02:23:21 pm
Timelords ... Now it makes sense..They are 900 years old as well. Should we be expecting horses heads in our beds courtesy of Don MacElroy or does the selectors like fish?
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Sean Og
24/5/2015 02:30:46 pm
I can't say which they would prefer, but I notice you mention Don McElroy - have you heard romours of a family tiff?
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Always reserved
25/5/2015 09:13:38 am
Brown Bread? I would have thought our bowlers were more taytee bread.
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Blogmeister
25/5/2015 01:38:41 pm
Dear Always.....you read my mind....watch next week's column for a little article on nearly defunct bowlers..................
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PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
25/5/2015 02:30:07 pm
To all going to Glasgow with me this summer this is the final call for the rest of the money. Any outstanding monies MUST be with Jim Copeland (or myself) no later than SATURDAY 30th MAY.
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Obama I'm Not
25/5/2015 02:34:05 pm
Did everyone hear the story of Jake The Peg and My Left Foot (X2) at Shaftsbury on Thursday last? The Greenmeister will give a good recount if you ask him.
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Blogmeister
26/5/2015 03:33:11 am
As the Greenmeister is a regular reader of this column I am sure he will recount especially if he is the person in the centre...
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26/5/2015 03:40:24 am
The greenmeister doesn't have a leg to stand on with this one he has THREE. Everyone make sure you get your money together for Galsgow this weekend I hear "bite your legs" is coming to the big smoke from Co Armagh to collect.
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Lord Of The Rinks
26/5/2015 09:21:16 am
LET US PRACTICE ON MATCH SETTINGS!!! We have complained about this for years and still the match settings are not available for practice. What's the point of playing match settings if we don't know them? The opposition has just as much chance of getting the lines as we have. Come on committee / greens committee / green keeper! And the response will be ... "We have to protect the heads." YAWN!
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Blogmeister
26/5/2015 09:32:33 am
Agree Lord..........Match settings evening before games for ALL sections and not just for big boys. They can be changed immediately after. Its a lottery to see which way the Vets play..... across or up/down when they turn up. In house competitions apart, Sundays are fallow days as are Tuesdays - B Team apart, Fridays too... use the non match settings on these occasions to practice for the vagaries of away greens!
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Always reserved
26/5/2015 10:42:03 am
Is no where safe to hide from the "Money" men in this club? I feel like I am stalked by the "child catcher" from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang whenever I owe money. ;)
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Blogmeister
26/5/2015 12:45:59 pm
Anyone know how the Vets got on yesterday.....I am abroad in Eire and have not heard...........anyone???..............thought not!!!
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Obama I'm Not
26/5/2015 03:52:37 pm
I should have added 'PGCE' to my letters as well - not enough room. And yes I know that when the Blogmeister has his name added to the roll of honour a piece of board approximately 12 inches long will need to be added onto the side. Limbo dancing time for the taller of you using the loo at the back of the club.
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28/5/2015 05:47:45 am
Firstly thank-you to our Blogmeister for his vast research into my moniker.
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Obama I'm Not
29/5/2015 01:25:22 pm
MCMIMCIPD? What year is this Sean Og? I thought I was handy with Roman numerals but this has stumped me.
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
29/5/2015 05:12:04 pm
All 'professional' membership grades following numerous night classes years ago.
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Always reserved
30/5/2015 01:25:40 am
I am A Graduate Of Oxford Dentistry with a Yearly Award Research Doctorate.
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
30/5/2015 02:29:33 am
Always - heavy, short or maybe a brush???? ;)
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the General
30/5/2015 03:31:18 pm
Excellent stuff tonight meister along with your cohorts. ..well done all 'the session'
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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