FIRST of all….People who complain about being “moved down” from Skip to Third should be aware that it is a slight on those who play Third. It must be remembered that elevation to the position of Skip is neither a sinecure nor a Divine Right and can be changed at any time! Personal rant over……..
I am ashamed that certain rough sorts have read innuendo into my simple comment about Peter McGarrity’s right hand in last week’s blog. It is smut like this which drags the good name of our Club down! I was of course referring to his excessive bowling. What else did these people think! Really! THE recent controversy over the settings on the green spawned two magic comments:- “They even had two computers and a guy with an autolite out measuring it all up.” And “That’s what you get for putting a bus driver in charge!” REGARDING the above, it was sheer entertainment on Wednesday morning watching the Head Groundsman out on the green assisted by Gerry McCloskey with bits of string, rulers, set squares and stuff trying to get the geometrics right. The reason they choose Wednesday was that "Stiffneck" Steve was not there to interfere. Apparently he was up in Donegal supervising trees being planted in his foreign country retreat! Recent conversation last Monday afternoon between two bowlers and a non bowler…. “That Nathan Carter is good! Aye Butsie likes him! Who is Butsie? Surely you know him? Is that the loud one? Aye that’s him! I hear he goes both ways? Who? Butsie? I couldn’t possibly say!” RUMOUR has it that first past the post again at the Floodlight Finals Foodfest – note the alliteration there – was Kevin “Extra Chips Please” Brennan. Plus ça change as they say in Sweden! FACT.....he spent the next three days on the throne at home as his classroom at school was - and I quote - "the second furthest away from the toilet." IF Ronnie Delia can get the chop for being a crap manager, will our managers get the heave ho if our boys fail to bring home some silverware!We could bring in foreign managers from Italy or Spain like they do in the Premiership. "What would they know about bowls" I hear you say. “About as much as the current managers” I also hear you say!! AND for the neurotic among you…did YOU get a piece of Rab Gilbert’s seventieth birthday cake? No? Everyone else did! Ah well, it is probably in the post! WHICH recently retired lady bowlist is just “waiting to be headhunted” for another job. Listen dearie, typists are not headhunted!!! You would be better spending your free time learning to reverse your car in to your driveway after a night of social lubricants in the Club when hubby is too pished to do it! It makes it sooooooo difficult for him backing it out on to a very busy Finaghy Road South of a morning! NICE to see the Village Elders have started to foregather again of a morning to take the sun when the Crusties are having their roll up. Always a good source of free coaching from some of the most pass remarkable people in the Club. AND nice to see Gerry McCloskey taking charge of the aforesaid Vets’ training sessions and organising the hapless group in to some sort of order. When he is absent, it is a veritable pantomime watching them get themselves sorted into who plays who, where and how many balls will be used. WHICH Hon Sec can be seen of a wet Wednesday afternoon lurking around the Airport Road looking for game birds? AND….talking tans which we were recently………… it is not just Dan “The Tan” McKinney who has personalised number plates to bolster up the ego. Someone else has acquired a pair – so to speak. Refreshing beverage of my choice to anyone who spots the vehicle in the car park. He’ll be getting monogrammed Y fronts next. Relatives and friends of Jon B Walton-Given are not allowed to enter. WHO is gonna get it big time from “the other one”? I’ll tell you who. The brave bowlist who, when speaking about the delectable “Scissor Sisters” referred to them as, and I quote, “The nice one ……and the other one!” Oh dear, oh very dear! (Note from Blogmeister – actually a totally different word to ‘nice’ was used ) APPARENTLY Dan Dan the Brown Bread Man does not do freebies! Cudda fooled me! WHO is the Lady president this year? Yeah! Exactly! NOW…….I have it on very good authority that if you are looking to pick up some spare – and I do not mean cash – the place to be is the card school of a Tuesday evening. Know what I’m sayin’? AND talking sophisticated Joe Dolan from earlier, do you know that he pours his three for a tenner glass of red wine not from the bottle but from a decanter. What style, what panache, what a pillock! WHO helps himself to two packets of biscuits, and “two for the road” from over the counter when he thinks none of the bar staff is watching. He does not even drink Tea!! I saw you laddie!!!!More than once!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR RENT OR SALE: Part ownership of a four urn columbarium. Pat Butler MSc and his bride have purchased a final resting place for his ashes on his demise. Pat was unaware, however, that size does not matter when you are dead, and that the ashes from his not inconsiderable frame would fit into a cocoa tin. Therefore the four berth final resting place which he bought is now surplus to his requirements and he wants to sublet it to make a few shillings to fund his new hobby of cruising the seas. WHICH bowlist threw a hissy fit when he called in to the Club for a post meridian roll up of a Monday and found his pretty bride still on the green after her rehearsal with the girlies, when she should have been at home cooking his dinner. Blame the head girlie coach Gary. After the rehearsal, she was teaching the girlie squad how to use the tape measure!!! AND which pair of Scissors bring their own stem glasses for the in house Prosecco . Listen dearies…Prosecco is NOT style! And apparently “Any time any place, anywhere” should mean something???? I only write what I am given. I just pass on something sent to me on St. Paddy’s Day! AND Mrs Maire Smyth has to have the right type of glass too – a Paris goblet – it is a ballon francais- actually dearie, and the exact amount of ice cubes for her Voddie and Coke, otherwise she sends it straight back! Til next time…. Keep stroking the kitty!
10 Comments
M Moore's Lawyer
24/4/2016 04:07:41 pm
Dear Blogmeister. Because of your last post I now have to read your post in a meticulous manner to ensure there are no liable statements. May I point out that you have stated that set squares and rulers were used to measure the green. This would mean there should be straight lines. I believe the green clearly shows evidence of a protractor and compass being used at some point.
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Blogmeister
26/4/2016 10:41:59 am
Dear Lawyer of M.Moore...I think you will now find that the Greenmeister, under the expert tutelage of Stiffneck Steve has solved the problem at least on the full settings and that even you would now be able to shoot straight.
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Einstein's Cat
26/4/2016 06:01:18 pm
I see the selectors have been sprinkling their magic over the midweek teams. They have brought in all the big guns for Wednesday. Indeed the cream of the crop has been drafted in... They have also decided to give the President (past and present) a run out too.
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Blogmeister
26/4/2016 08:09:48 pm
Indeed..... I have been drafted in from Midweek A to Midweek B.....never knew I was a big gun!
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50 Cent revisited
27/4/2016 09:34:03 pm
Dear Blogmeister, If you are going to present yourself as arbiter of good taste and the dolce vita then you should know that a Paris Goblet is a drinking glass while a ballon francais is a football, soccer or rugby. Useless for cocktail hour even with ice. Recommended reading jancisrobinson.com
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Dizzi Rascal
27/4/2016 10:17:38 pm
Hey, hey, hey - just what is going on here. Now we have a 50 Cent revisited!
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Blogmeister
28/4/2016 07:59:30 am
Dear 50 cent (revisited)....Sir, I refer you to https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=ballon+francais+wine+glass&safe=off&espv=2&biw=1920&bih=955&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiihJra7bDMAhVsLsAKHaBCC4sQsAQIGw&dpr=1
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50 cent revisited
28/4/2016 01:35:43 pm
How gauche! Google v Jancis Robinson. Keep her country
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Blogmeister
28/4/2016 05:09:23 pm
Dear Fifty....I think you will find my reply in a further blog - already written - but too many goodies so it has to be held back - will be more in keeping with your standards!
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Dizzi Rascal
28/4/2016 01:52:27 pm
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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