HEY everybody……Mrs Belinda Brown got a new bathroom. She brought me up to see it. It has….well…..tiles, a shower, a toilet, a washbasin, more tiles, nice smelling things and….. stuff. When it was finished, she sat down on the throne and admired it……..for quite some time apparently. It’s a bathroom Belinda for Chrissake…..you really need to get out more. Although on the plus side it is somewhere you can hide when Big AL starts chasing you around the house in that little game you play….you know….the one he told me about….. “The Gamekeeper and the Naughty Milkmaid!!!!
Alan: “Where are youuuuuuuuuu?” Belinda: No answer Alan: “I have something for youuuuuuuuuu! Belinda: No answer Alan: “If you don’t tell me where you are, the rough gamekeeper will put you over his knee and spank you!” Belinda: “I might be in the bathroom sir! Do I still get smacked……please? AND talking Belinda………I was there…….I heard it with my own eyes……In the Mixed Triples…. “Come on Sean! Knock me up!” As I have said before, this column writes itself!! AND in the same game…….Carlos the Jackal apparently found it hugely funny that as second I called a short shot as “two big ones!” WHO da man? Ask Smokin Joe Frazer………….the aforesaid Jackal is…that’s who. AND speaking of Mixed Triples, no matter how you view it, it is a bit of fun. You do not pick your team so do not complain if you are slotted in with someone who is not of your ability. And thanks to those who were not afraid to put their names down. We missed the hamburgers though. Come back Gerry “Listeria” Lee….all is forgiven! There is nothing nicer than one of your Big Whoppers! But I have to admit that last year, with every innuendo intended, one of your Girlie helpers tried to palm me off with cheap tomato sauce in the back lounge!!!!!!! OK! I gotta fess up to this one, cos if I don’t, you are gonna here it from someone else!!..........Now this cudda happened on lane six, the farthest from the Clubhouse with me wearing a nondescript grey top and nobody would have seen. But it happened on the show rink with me wearing a bright red Albania tee shirt in front of the assembled village elders. Yes, I could not find my bowl! Yes I strode up and down the lane twice, looking for it! Yes I migrated on to the next lane to see if it had been inadvertently lifted and played! Yes I searched under coats, towels and even in the bins. Yes I told the delightful Denise McMahon, that bowl she showed me from the other end of the lane was not mine! Yes it was! I had played the previous end with only two bowls! Now this would not normally cause a stir, but the assembled masses thought it was humungus and told me to make sure it appeared on the blog. Well it has, now get over it! It’s only mixed triples for Chrissake! WITH the trend of silly old gits (see last week’s column on Marty boy Moore) trying to “get down” with their sons, rumour has it that Sean “The Post” Magorrian now wants to be called Seanbo to be cool like his son Jimbo. AND still on Marty Moore…..remember last week that after the Belsonic fiasco he retired to the Premier Inn with his cub? Now………..what are Premier Inns renowned for???? A good night’s sleep. Their beds are handcrafted in Mongolia with cotton sheets sourced from artisan peasants on the Nile Delta. So where does Marty crash out??? On the freakin’ bathroom floor!!!! Great role model for your cub Marty boy!!! AND talking of Seanbo and Jimbo….. who was spotted necking early morning pints while his bride of less than twenty four hours was searching for him. He had just popped out to take the air and have some freshly brewed coffee with his da………..apparently. It’s OK Jimbo, I know she does not read this!! But I am sure someone will tell her!! AND speaking of “Belsonic” Marty, do you know his Email address now begins with “martiemusic”. I am sure we could all think of something more appropriate! WHAT do Frank Rossi of the Quo and newboy Sean McMcMahon have in common? Is it that they both wear green waistcoats…………or is it something else. It might be that one plonks the strings of a guitar and the other is just a plonker? Get used to it Seany boy. You signed up for bowls….be prepared to take it in the mush occasionally. GERRY Doherty….stick to digging holes sonny. Apparently John Travolta has nothing whatsoever to worry about after your performance last weekend. And remember when you go on the Jolly Boys’ outing in August, not everyone has to sing. Barney “The Monseigneur” Griffin tried it once….just once….………………. PETER McGarrity as you may know gave up “shit food”, in an attempt to look good for his trip to the States. Bet you got no crap when you were there Petesy Boy! And we know you are a tad reticent when it comes to tipping. Bet you were forced to do it there my little pecunious poppet! And if you have indeed given up the monounsaturated carbs, why were you seen tucking into KFC and Pizza at your daughter’s surprise graduation party???? Burp! AND still on the subject of food……..well I think it’s food…………I got his from the horse’s mouth, not from one of my team of touts………do you know what the aforesaid Peter likes of a Christmas morning…a good ole ham shank! His words – not mine! I kid you not. Someone explain it to the Girlies please! AND a little segue (excuse the lack of acute accent on the e ) …… Dear Mr. Skip….why did you keep running up the green after your bowls in the Gentlemen’s Triples? If it was me, if the first three did not do the job, I would have stopped!!! I lied Jon Boy….you didn’t think I would let this one go did you???!!!Posted last week on Jon Boy’s FB page, a glass of cheap sparkling wine with a Moet and Chandon cork thrown casually beside it. You are foolin’ nobody laddie….who do you think you are? Me!!!! AND for the neurotic among you, you know that when you go to the gents that one of us is sitting in a cubicle watching you…………. don’t you! STOP Press….apparently the De Bruns are unable to play their little game as the bathroom has no door. Alan took it off to paint it and has yet to hang it again. I know that when it is done Alan mate, it will be well hung!!! DUE to a surfeit of information, Fifty Shades of Falls is deferred to next week! Til next time…….. Keep stroking the kitty!
6 Comments
Heavy Metal (yes I read last weeks)
17/7/2016 03:38:22 pm
So apart from me going to Belsonic, getting drunk, getting somebody engaged, wandering around like security, getting 50 selfies with "the kids". Falling asleep in the hotel bathroom..I was informed it was a good gig. :).. I'm going to hypnotherapy now to try and remember something else before your touts do.
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Blogmeister
17/7/2016 05:17:37 pm
Yip Metal Marty....think you are off the hook for a while?
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Obama I'm not
17/7/2016 08:01:27 pm
I wish to complain Bloggy, this is the first time that the Ex Pres has not been mentioned. Now I know that world affairs are busy BUT one feels left out.
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Blogmeister
18/7/2016 09:01:48 am
Dear Ex Pres....I have bad news for you.....the next two columns are by and large written. Unless you do something really silly you will not be appearing!
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The General
20/7/2016 12:00:07 pm
Meister, it appears to me that you had not gotten over your crushing defeat in the Jocks Triples at the hands of myself and my two cohorts....what bowlers eh :-) hence your small, understandable, mathematical faux pas in the swingers comp last week. As week all matters bowlesque....I blame the skip !! or can he/she not count to 3?
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Blogmeister
20/7/2016 03:32:59 pm
Mein General.....First of all brilliant renaming of the Mixed Triples, although I fear some of the Girlies may not like it! I think the skip was too preoccupied about how good looking she was to concern herself about counting bowls. Sorry Denise....a cheap jibe. You were nowhere near as difficult as I had been told told to play with!
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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