Random Irritations: those who sign up for Club competitions then find it impossible to agree a date. Sundays are default tie days. Clear your “heavy social diaries” or simply do not enter competitions!!!!!
Too late to make last week’s column but eloquently described by Pancho Villa in the Comments section…….Danny Boy Cregan and Rab “Rutter” Gilbert were spotted having a romantic meal together in the Temple. You would think that Danny Boy would have picked up the tab with his recent windfall in the Club but no! In the true style of his parsimonious nature, I can inform you that Rab was forced to pay as Danny Boy hived off to the toilet for twenty minutes when the bill arrived. My informant tells me that a substantial tip of seventy pennies in old money was left on the table on their egress, so one can only suppose that it came from the Communion fund of the aforesaid Danny. And some more on Danny. His exploits are almost taking up as much space in this column as his oversized bowling bag did in the back of my car when I used to play for Midweek A! It is said, not rumoured but said, as it came directly from his mouth to one of my top reporter’s ears…….he would prefer to waken up in the morning with his bowels moving than to find a forty year old chick in bed with him. Hope they don’t move before you get up Danny Boy! Apparently Mrs Michael McCarney fell down the stairs and broke herself after standing on a ball!!! Now Michael, I know I am gifted in that area as the Monday afternoon Girlies can testify to but that is truly spectacular. You are my hero! Who made a mess of cutting his own hair this week with the Charles Atlas Super Trimmer and had to make a nightime visit to a backstreet barber to have the tonsorial trauma reversed with a number one all over? Who, in his usual morning roll up, set four woods right on the jack and sat down and waited around for someone to come along so as they could be seen? Pleased to state that my first defence of the Vets Singles Runner Up award – 2013 and 2014 - was successful having come through the preliminary round with some gusto! Receiving this rather late but………..You will have heard of five fingers of whiskey as a measure. In the absence of the high tech measure more commonly associated with our game, which Midweek B Captain measured the distance from bowl to jack with his fingers and which opposition Third let him get away with it? And on to the Girlies who have gotten off lightly recently…………why are men not allowed to “mark” a Girlie match?? Do you think we would come over all peculiar and try to ravage you?? I think not. You are perfectly safe ladies. We would rather tackle Pat Butler quicker!!! J And further on the Girlies. So no supporters are allowed at your away match in Eire. Your loss Girlies. If you had gotten a bigger bus you could have been supported with beer filled shouts of “Come on you Girleeeeeeeees!” on the pitch, Brendan Rice might have streaked across it then you could have been serenaded by Gerry Lee on the way home with various others being sick and having toilet stops every twenty minutes…. And btw you can’t stop us supporting you at home. “Whey hayyyyyyyyyyyyy! Come on you Girlies! Burp!” While the top Jocks come out to practise on the green….. occasionally, sometimes - well I think I saw one last Tuesday - the Girlies come out to rehearse and check that their bowling apparel is coordinated and comment on each others shoes. And while the Jocks have “makes” of bowls, the Girlies have “brands”. And why are the Girlies not allowed to take their own cars to away matches. Is it something to do with insurance while carrying petrol paying passengers or is it that they would all end up in different locations………like a contingent of Vets did once upon a time?? A drabble is a short literary work of exactly one hundred words not counting the title. I offer the following from Winter Training in the Shaw’s Bridge covered and heated facility in a mixed fours match…… Conversations at Opposite Ends of the Green “Paul, you’re going about it the wrong way. You need to align your body at more of an angle, pick a spot about four feet in front of you and release the bowl on the follow through. It’s the fluid motion that does the trick!” “Deirdre, you’re going about it the wrong way. Wipe out the mixing bowl and add the strawberry ice cream. Beat for five minutes to soften a little then spoon over the vanilla. Level with a spatula and freeze for one hour, or until firm. It’s the amount of time of beating that does the trick.” Go on count them………you know you want to!!!! Which Girlie was spied coming out of Fegans apothecary with a box of Clairol “Natural Brown”? Do you think that’s wise dearie………..after the last time?? Which Girlie apart from John Given was spotted trying to be trendy, sipping coloured water from those new jam jar type glasses in the Kings Head???? Remember to get your copy in on time folks…….I received some stuff from one of my top men on Saturday morning just as I was untying my boxing gloves before getting out of bed and had to restructure the whole column!! In next week’s column, Sugarpants and the Bouncy Castle, the Bowler and the Custard Tart……….and much more……. Keep the chalk wet……………….
10 Comments
Good Ol Daze
14/6/2015 11:47:21 am
A spiffing rendition of the japery that surrounds our little social gathering. One particularly finds intriguing this new form of bromance, as the ones call it. In ones day one would retire to the gentlemans club and with sherry in hand one would regale stories of the day's events. One would then shed clothes and with a suitable brandy and cigar, go to the steam room. Real gentlemen would never go to dinner together.
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Dizzi Rascal
14/6/2015 11:43:31 pm
Oh how reminiscent Good Ol Daze, I just hope that you are not a gentleman of failing eyesight or the steam room exploits could prove a little difficult!
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Blogmeister
15/6/2015 01:45:00 am
Dizzi Daze superb penmanship from two people who, if not graduates like Pat Butler MSc, should be! Hope Tarquin enjoyed his stiff one!
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15/6/2015 04:43:28 am
Contrary to your report, and my usual beverage of choice in our fine club, my only part in the 'jam jar gate' was as official photographer. It was consumed solely by my good lady.....even though she offered share to a fellow bowler and his beau!
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Blogmeister
15/6/2015 07:15:27 am
How remiss of me Sean a chara....I only have old stock left - well past the sell by date - not to have offered it at a knockdown price! Although as Tarquin seems to have enjoyed a stiff one after watching the ladies, he may not be interested!! And by the way.... to all contributors, nice to see you have not fallen into that popular cyberspeak which is common at the moment. Standards you know!
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Dizzi Rascal
15/6/2015 10:05:32 am
Like the grass on our green, it's costs nothing to use vocabulary and good grammar.
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blogmridter
15/6/2015 10:36:03 am
To use my own phrase...as tight as Dan Cregan
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Lord of the Rinks
15/6/2015 03:04:26 pm
Why such divisions in the Ladies bowls? 24 seater bus, 16 players and no supporters are allowed? The management committee are using our (all members) money to pay for this so any members who wish to should be entitled to attend.
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Blogmeister
16/6/2015 07:49:51 am
Lord.....Methinks you waste your time!!!! Very few of the Girlies read this unfortunately. I have tried to get them to bite but to no avail but as they are equal members of the Club, I will not exempt them from a roasting where necessary.....within the Blog guidelines of course!
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Dizzi rascal
17/6/2015 05:27:08 am
Good Ol Days, just want to check-in with you to enquire if you let Tarquin out last night to enjoy the Ladies' V's Gentlemen friendly. If so I do wish that his blood pressure didn't suffer too much and there were no embarrassing situations with mars bars ;-)
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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