Yet again I have to congratulate the contributors to the Comments section of the Blog. Brilliant repartee! It would be nice to see a few of the girlies on board and to this end I expect a few responses to the following……….
To the two dearies who were playing as the Vets challenge match was on a few weeks back……the objective of the game is not to arrange the bowls – that’s the big black ones – in a nice little ‘join the dots pattern’ closer to the mat than to the head. It is in fact to get at least one of them near the little white one – that’s the jack - as possible! But fair play to them for carefully ignoring Eddie Doherty as he pulled his new tailored sweat pants down to below respectable level to show me the label - if I wanted to buy a pair myself. Nice Calvin Kleins underneath Eddie. I see you follow the eight day underpant rule! ( for those of you who are not aware of the eight day rule – mail me privately for guidelines! It is not as straightforward as one might think! ) And what about the girlie who was marking a girlie singles game and at the toss off at the start, asked the first girlie if she wanted heads or tails then asked the second girlie which one she wanted!!!!! You might think I make this up but I swear to East Jesus I don’t!!! And which girlie used to think her gran sat outside the school all day knitting, waiting til she came out!!!! All great sportsmen have a nickname…….such as Alex “Hurricane” Higgins etc etc. We now have our own “Vaseline” Joe Rea. I will not elaborate!! Watch out Father Eugene…….we have a Rabbi on your patch trying to steal your flock…. Already….. oi vey! He bears a remarkable resemblance to Jackie “The Hat” Collins who btw appears to be playing for every team in the place!! And I have to thank a tout - or is it trout - who has been silent for a while for pointing out that the aforesaid Rabbi who while playing out of his epidermis in a recent B game insisted on placing the mat upside down and in line with the scoreboard rather than the official red marker. He most certainly did not learn shoddy workmanship such as this in Midweek. No siree Manuel………the Midweek boys are a tight knit unit from all four skips – and I really mean that – down to the bottom feeders!! Also I have to report we have a new Boy Band available to do the Saturday Night Geriatric Groove Fest….the husband of Mrs Maire Smyth and his over fifty five quartet………I am told they are called “No Direction!” Apparently they are under the tutelage of Gerry “Three Chords” Lowe so coordination, musically and otherwise is experimental to say the least. I must make time to speak with the in house competition organisers and the Vets selectors. Your publicity machine needs to be cranked up more than a notch guys. There are quite a number of Senior bowlers who have not signed up for the competitions and/or the Vets team panel even though they are eligible for both and would enhance (for the most part) the playing standard of both. This can only be due to shoddy publicity on the part of the aforesaid organisers because I am sure these top jocks are dead keen to play but are too afraid………to ask. Yes indeedy, no other reason whatsoever, no siree, no way Pedro other than that. Shame on you! Yes you Frank Graham and Pat McClean and your teams of functionaries for your gross inability to attract the top jocks in the Club ;) Shame! There is no truth in the rumour whatsoever that Mrs Sean Magorrian watched Fifty Shades of Grey then asked the perky postmaster to do something exciting with a chicken feather. His reply was “ Hey babeee, I use the whole chicken or nothing at all”. When Liam - “The funds were only resting in my account” - Trainor BA (Hons, second class, second division) decides to give up taking care of the Club purse strings and moves into full time concert promotion aka Billy Aiken Ticketmaster, I have the very man to take over – Parsimonious Peter McGarrity will do the job nicely. While Pat Butler, Master of Science, spared no expense on his current bride by taking her on a cruise with built in drinks package and ocean view balcony, the miserly meister of the sward has gone for the soft drinks package and an inside cabin - below the water line - for his EasyCruise. But he will have you know that covering the west - or is it port - wall, is a curtain which if pulled back, shows the sea and the sun outside……………in virtual reality, on a plasma screen. “It’s just like being out on deck”, he says. No it is not you cheapskate. Listen matey…….. I also heard you gave your son an empty Action Man box for Xmas and told him that the aforesaid soldier had unfortunately deserted, and when the same son wanted to go to the Aquarium in Portaferry, you brought him to the fish counter in St. Georges’ Market and told him that the prostrate and obviously very dead forms lying on the counters were in fact “asleep”………………… And to finish - you had to be there to witness it………….it could only happen in Falls. A certain John Tierney who most of you will know has recently been not well at all due to the fallout from diabetes came up to talk to “Guitar” Davey, a non bowlist who has just had a stroke. As he tried to butt in while we talked to the aforesaid Davey, he was told to “take himself off” – actually stronger words were used – as he had already had enough sympathy and someone else was more deserving! Brilliant lads!!! As I said……….only in Falls – the caring Club!!
21 Comments
Blogmeister
18/5/2015 01:31:37 pm
Ah !!! So you got it up eventually....probably not the first time you have heard that webmeister!!!
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18/5/2015 01:57:23 pm
All I can say is I've never crossed your palms with silver to support your part-time pharmaceutical business ;)
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Lord of the Rinks
18/5/2015 04:22:45 pm
The 'superstars' of the A team fear for their reputation (if they ever had one) hence the lack of interest in club competitions. Or is it the huge financial outlay (£2 per entry) which will reduce the huge number of beverages they buy at the bar each Saturday (?).
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Lord of the Rinks
18/5/2015 04:29:10 pm
It is already noticed that certain A team bowlers are failing to get their backsides out onto the green to practice. Are they covered by the law of 'infallibility' in these matters. Perhaps there should be a tally chart in the locker room where they can be chalked up when spotted on the green. Will much chalk be required though?
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The General
18/5/2015 04:33:01 pm
Webmeister/Sean Og/JBW - i think you may have needed some pharmaceuticals of the cerebral nature after your sterling effort to win the "drink till you drop competition" on sunday !! :-) BTW just how many nicknames/handles/monikers/aliases do you need to partake in this blog? Scouser out.....
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JBW
18/5/2015 06:35:02 pm
The General/Curious/Daisy's Da:
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Back End Bowler
19/5/2015 04:09:54 am
What can I say Blogmeister, if we were to compare your published work here to a wine it would be most definately be a bottle of Henri Jayer Grand Cru Richebourg Vosne Romanee Cote de Nuit Burgundy 1977 a wine I know you are familiar with, being one of our more sophisticated lab rats.
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Sean og's better half
19/5/2015 04:33:33 am
Ah come on, I was distracted with the girly chat and i lost interest when the Vaseline man went 10 points ahead anyways lol
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Daisy's Da
19/5/2015 04:45:10 am
JBW I felt your pain (glad that was the only thing ;-) U seemed to be enjoying yourself nonetheless. your defeat is currently being investigated but the joe-rea is still out on that one.........jeez c'mon play along......if you say it quick it really does sound like jury !!
Oh dear, oh dear - even poor little Daisy would be burying her head and pink diamante colour in shame.
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Blogmeister
19/5/2015 10:12:00 am
Bear with me......this is a group reply...Webmeister/JBW/Sean Og I can indeed confirm that you never crossed my palms with anything..........thanks be to East Jesus - I remember a burger vendor trying to palm me off with brown sauce, but I was very young then.......Lord of the Rinks........are you suggesting that I was denigrating the Big Boys???? How very dare you sir - they are the cream of the club and it is a privilege to walk in their shadow :) but however, extremely perspicacious of you.............Back end Bowler you know your wine but I think the 1979 version where he started experimenting with leaving the stalks in the mash rather than removing them before the fermentation process, as was his wont, is a little more challenging.............and Generalissimo you could perhaps lend your pampered pooch to Sean Og 'cos anyone who necks pints of pink shite at the rate he does is more than a tad suspect!!!
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20/5/2015 08:30:37 am
Goodness goodness me the club is full of sophisticated wineos, pink lemonade drinkers and poodle owners are you all sure you are on the correct website???? If you all spent as much time out on the green as you spend in front of a screen all of our teams would be in division 1.
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Blogmeister
20/5/2015 12:36:00 pm
How very dare you 'mup. When I go out for sophisticated dinners with my sophisticated friends they always say " Let Paul choose the wine............he knows his stuff!" When asked to taste once, I refused but asked to smell the cork!!! OK OK I know ....what a plonker!! ;). I have in my possession a £330 bottle of attention seeking claret which I many share with the group at the end of the season if anyone is so interested. No pink cider drinkers allowed! ;)
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Back End Bowler
21/5/2015 12:11:02 am
Blogmeister I believe a certain Louis Walsh Junior did not take well to a ribbing from the gallery. Snapped and uttered an unmentionable to back end bowler on the A team no less!
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Blogmeister
21/5/2015 01:41:37 am
Thank you Back End.........I am intrigued as to the handle for this player who gave an artistic strop???? I have it narrowed it down to one.........we shall speak privately
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21/5/2015 05:13:50 am
Blogmeister I have been told that it would be worth investigating a certain money minder who dabbles in concert promoting. It has been alleged that he verbally abused the Chairman of the Board recently (some might say what's wrong with that?) - Billy A will fill you in on the details I believe!! Next blog maybe??
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Blogmeister
21/5/2015 01:27:39 pm
Thank you indeed 'mup. I was speaking with Billy A today bit he was unusually taciturn...........I am beside myself with other investigations at the moment.....as to who ate all the pies at Ballee last night.
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Back End Bowler
22/5/2015 03:58:10 pm
I believe El capitan del parks has a patent pending for the digital measure. Mr Spence surely the tape measure accuracy trumps your live long and prosper tape?
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Blogmeister
23/5/2015 04:08:16 am
' mup: Billy Aiken, Ticketmeister of repute has been getting a hard time recently, ergo he is being given a hassle free week in the upcoming column!
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Obama I'm Not
23/5/2015 06:17:43 am
Billy T. Aitken is doing a sterling job folks. I expect you all to buy lots of tickets for the upcoming function.
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23/5/2015 05:50:08 pm
I must be in a fit state tomorrow to post the blog
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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