Michael Moore recently asked for some coaching for his up and coming bowlist son. Marty Quinn, amongst others offered his services but made it clear that while other coaches in the first lesson paid close attention to placing of mat, etiquette, jack delivery etc he would in fact dive straight in at the deep end and show the cub how to chase the delivered bowl up the green like an epileptic Lone Ranger on Silver shouting “Go on ya girl ye!” He also pointed out that after a few lessons, Moore Junior would develop his own style of lunging up the green and his own exhortation to get the bowl up to the kitty!
Things were a little chilly in the Parker household last Sunday as Parker Senior demolished Parker Junior 21-8 in the singles. Listen Marty son, it was a no win situation. If you had let him win, the bride would have given you grief for not letting him stand on his own two feet. But as you beat him, you still got grief. Hope you got your Sunday Roast served up as normal and not flung at you from the kitchen!!!! I could write a full column on Danny Boy Cregan this week but I will keep it short. If you play a tight bowl is it “as tight as Dan Cregan?” Which Dan Cregan wished the Vets “God Speed” as they left for Forth River and reminded them to give it their all as they were representing Divis!!???? Rumour has it that he has booked a place on the Girlies Road Trip to the country which abounds the borders of our own wee country to see if he can “touch for some spare”. Rumour has it also that he couldn’t get a date out of a palm tree or a body in a graveyard. And when he phoned Lonely Hearts they said they were not that lonely!! And it galls me to say it but the aforesaid Danny Boy won the £50 draw when I was in charge of it last Friday. Well done Daniel. He has graciously offered to buy his Midweek Team players a pint after next Wednesday’s clash. Pity I am not playing but very generous anyway Dan. And BTW Alan Brown will not be going on the Dublin trip as he has already been abroad this year!! If you are fluent in Ulster Scots, you will know that to “dook” - pronounced “duke” means to duck in and out of sight will trying to observe something. Which Little and Large combo were the subject of dooking from someone hiding in the fold beside the White Fort??? If the Jocks are rained off in a game, they will probably toddle off to the players’ lounge for some social beverages. If the Girlies are rained off they go to the Girlies Locker Room and learn the skills of bowling as demonstrated on a whiteboard. What style, what dedication, what……………… I am informed that someone who had just returned from Croatia or somewhere similar wore her sunglasses on her head in the brightest of sunlight to show off the tan on her face in her recent Girlie game. And further on the Girlies…..nice to see the selectors drop themselves occasionally….know what I’m saying?????? Historical but accurate I am assured. Which Midweek B Captain polished off the away team sarnies then legged it back to the Club to finish off the remainder of the Midweek A sarnies as well? OK, the away team sarnies had no crusts so maybe it was justified!! Surprised there were any left in the Club as Liam Laughran was playing at home!! And talking Midweek Bowls, which Captain and jobbing Rabbi was circumvented, or was it circumcised, for last Wednesday’s tie with Ulster Transport!!!??!!! At least as Captain of the aforesaid team last year, I was not gassed until the following year J Memo to Gerry Lee. If your broadband is not working, Brian Smith knows diddly squat about it so do not phone him when he is munching on his Eggs Benedict and Bucks Fizz of a morning and ask to speak with a technician!!! Freddie McCorry, not happy enough with his attention seeking upper bowel problems, left his whites behind at Belmont in another attempt to get recognition. Yes Freddie, we all know…..now leave it alone!!!! And which resident sharpener of pencils left his gear behind for a recent match and played with a club wet/cold top over his simmit?? It’ll be knotted hankies and braces next! Sincere apologies to Pat Murphy for suggesting he was rabbiting on about the price of Peroni in Glasgow. I am reliably informed that it was in fact Billy T Aiken…£6.60 for a 660 ml serving. I can assure you that I will NOT be paying that when I am in Lake Garda at the end of the month for the first anniversary of my beloved’s unpleasantness! A cheeky little Bardolino will be more suited to my sophisticated palate as I watch the sun set over the eponymous Lake while dipping various breads in a selection of locally produced olive oils before my anti pasta. What’s that I hear you think? Pretentious prick? Moi? Jamais! J While some of our bowlists are smokin’ on the green with regards to performance, apparently some of our girlies are not……….with regards to smoking!!!!! It could only happen in the Vets. A certain Vets B team bowler in Greenisland last week having forgotten his wet gear, played the whole match in the most inclement weather in a see through poncho. I was originally and erroneously told by Pat Butler that it was a child’s buggy rain protector!!! Soooooooo I will share the following with you……which Pat Butler thought he was playing ten pin bowling and hurled his bowl into the side gulley while attempting to connect with the kitty??? I have been told to get another dig in at Peter McGarrity. I don’t know why………..but I will find something!!! A source close to next year’s President has revealed the whereabouts of his carefully selected 2016 trip. Previous trips have been to Dublin, London, Cardiff, Edinburgh and this year’s is planned for Glasgow. I am happy to reveal that the destination is in fact ……….Divis. The handpicked representative team will assemble at the Club for a few pre tour sherbets, then they will be transported by black taxi to the Divis Stadium for a convivial game. As no alcohol is consumed on the City Council premises, no siree Robert, no way Denis, afterwards they will repair to the Gravediggers Arms for some big boys lemonade before returning home before their wives will even have missed them, Good call Mr Incumbent President!! “Kneecaps” Copeland will start collecting the money in easy stages as soon as the Glasgow trip is finished. Keep the chalk wet……..
29 Comments
Pancho Villa
9/6/2015 02:24:01 am
A marathon read, that was a buttered bap, Tayto Cheese & Onion with a mug of tea read!
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Dizzi Rascal
9/6/2015 02:49:38 am
Bardolino, is this some kind of strange dandelion and burdock cocktail. And as for Anti Pasta, is she a strange female relation or is it a posh term for a Steakette?
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Blogmeiaster
9/6/2015 03:45:32 am
Dear Dizzi - excellent witty reply........Bardolino is a town on the shores of Lake Garda and gives its name to the velvety red purple wine - with hints of blackberry and apple - grown on the slopes behind my budget hotel. As I think you may be female, we can share some on my return and don't worry about that bird I bring in to the Club occasionally - she is my sister!! And Pancho Villa are you a residence in the posh part of Benidorn or the reserve team of Aston Villa!!!
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Dizzi Rascal
9/6/2015 03:57:28 am
Dear Blogmeister,
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Dizzi Rascal
9/6/2015 04:00:53 am
Sorry, I have let myself down there, before I am taken up on my obvious error I realise the grape beverage does in fact have a palette and not a wooden storage device - although with a Bardolino I appreciate this could be open to discussion!
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Dear Dizzi
9/6/2015 08:53:37 am
How refined to worry about spelling. I myself, to use tautology, fall foul several times. It is nothing to worry about. What we should worry about is any romantic interlude with a carafe of Bardolino, smoked and cured meats, cheeses etc. On doing my research I find that your nom de plume would suggest you are male and black. One I can handle, both I can't..........sorry :)
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Dizzi Rascal
9/6/2015 09:51:36 am
To 'Dear Dizzi' aka Blogmeister:
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Lord of the Rinks
9/6/2015 10:09:30 am
Get a room you two!
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9/6/2015 10:45:22 am
Lord of the Rinks, maybe they have in Glasgow ;-)
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Blogmeister
10/6/2015 03:08:54 am
Glasgow sharing is starting to look iffy........the Parker chappy is beginning to develop a nervous tic every time he sees me! Think he is regretting the room. May indeed turn my intentions to the Dizzi person!
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Back End Bowler
10/6/2015 07:40:55 am
Blogmeister as a previous room mate on our wonderful trip to the Principality I can assure Mr Parker he has nothing to worry about! You are wonderful company, do not snore and a sensitive being. As long as he realises you like a stiff......whiskey at 10 am then its a marriage made in heaven!
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magnum p.i.
10/6/2015 05:42:06 am
more importantly.....is there any news on joe dolan's missing club jacket ? BTW i understand he consoled himself in the purchase of a 2-seater sports coupe (you heard it here first).......well, he doesn't have a 50th birthday every year :-)
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
10/6/2015 05:50:28 am
Magnum, you are obviously loosing your detective skills with age - its actually a two seater convertible in silver. (I have photographic evidence to prove)
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Always reserved
10/6/2015 07:04:24 am
Michael Moore. If it is the same bowler that I am thinking off then I heard him called "Marty", "Joe" and "Gary". Is this bowler a Jason Bourne type of international spy with many aliases?...When I think of Marty Quinn teaching a young bowler how to run up the green. I picture wile coyote and road runner. Meep Meep!
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
10/6/2015 07:50:41 am
Always - have you just subconsciously let the cat out of the bag??? You wax lyrically about how great our Dan is and then a few moments later you post a picture of yourself with the man himself - and I am saying nothing about the t-shirt!!!!!!
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Dear all in turn
10/6/2015 08:25:01 am
First of all Back End..........thank you for your kind comments, altho Mr Alan Brown introduced me to a 7.20 am stiff one in Dublin which pleased me greatly..........Magnum, I think I chewed on your chocolate exterior last nite after dinner and you tasted mighty fine....Always Reserved......at last you are outted! MIchael is the name I choose for your Blog handle....Blogmeisters can do that, and yes indeed there was a standoff between Gerry Hanna and a Girlie......the Girlie won
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Dizzi Rascal
11/6/2015 07:27:13 am
Dear Blogmeister, much as I would like to be your '+1' in Glasgow it would be rather amiss of me to accept as I would need to follow in the footsteps of Sarah Siddons when she first appeared as Hamlet all those years ago.
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Blogmeister
11/6/2015 10:22:00 am
Dizzi...........Jim McCormack brings an oversized suitcase on his travels......we could squeeze you in beside whatever he brings to fill the lonely hours in his single room and I could develop something which would prevent me playing bowls. You could dress up as Hamlet, or any other Shakespearian actor/ actress or Goofy or Garth Brooks.....it fusseth me not! I'll bring the special DOC Bardolino if you like............failing that it will be an escort as usual!! :)
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Dizzi Rascal
11/6/2015 11:37:16 am
Dear Blogmeister,
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Blogmeister
11/6/2015 01:58:03 pm
Dizzi....I am like the wine...full bodied, mature. ...if you look for sophistication in a wine....I myself am a St Emillion Afficianado having been their on several occasions different country I know but a different league!!
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Always Reserved
11/6/2015 03:01:52 pm
Dear Blogmeister. I will have to have words with a certain bowler. Da Family has been advised. As for you being like a fine wine. This is indeed true.. Once your cork is popped you start to ruin..
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Dizzi Rascal
11/6/2015 03:03:51 pm
Blogmeister first Italy & now France, you must have more stamps in your passport and stickers on your suitcase than Paddington Bear!
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
12/6/2015 01:33:27 am
You better watch out
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Always Reserved
13/6/2015 11:48:39 am
JB i was thinking of some kind of punishment for outting me to the blogmeister, however I watched you bowl and thought you have been pjnished enough. :)
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
13/6/2015 12:02:17 pm
Dear Always, it was your own bright idea of posting the picture of you realising your dream that let the cat out of the bag. Unless your acquaintance Back End Bowler put you up to it.
Blogmeister
12/6/2015 04:34:25 am
Dear Diz..........If you were to know my twin destinations in September you would be green with envy. Re Glasgow wine..Mundies and Sanatogen come to mind with Irn Bru for non drinkers..........bring it on!!!!
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Dizzi Rascal
12/6/2015 04:50:29 am
Dear Blogmeister, if I make the trip to Caledonia I think it would be better for me to stick with Irn Bru - as I don't want to place myself into a precarious situation.
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Blogmeister
12/6/2015 11:16:46 am
Dear Dizzi................when I worked I had cause to go to Amsterdam about three times a year on business - mighty fine city...........no this is more sophisticated..........Singapore and Bali...Business Class out and back!!!
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Dizzi Rascal
14/6/2015 07:30:07 am
Return Business Class, I assume you clocked up a vast collection of Air Miles during your professional life and you are now reaping the benefits. Fair play Blogmeister, life is too short :)
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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