Middle Aged Man Selects Midweek Team
It’s that time of the year again when the word “selection”, and all that goes with it, rears its ugly head. I will use a quote from a certain skip last year to make the following point……… “We were 17-2 down after eleven ends. The lead was crap!” Now listen matey if you were trailing by that much I would suggest that more than the lead was “crap”. The “gassing” of front ends when a rink is going down the plug hole is an issue which needs to be addressed. Remember not all skips (and thirds) are good skips (and thirds) !!!!! And a little lightbulb joke………. How many bowlers in a rink does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. The skip to go up the ladder to change the lightbulb and three to stand around grumbling, “It should be me up there!” And a message to a certain wannabe skip. Stop moving around at the head when your lead is trying to deliver his bowl even if it is only in morning training. Oh and BTW, your directions to him as he stands on the oche fall on deaf ears!! And the last word on skips. Nice to see father of three and Irish News correspondent, forty two year old Brendan McCloskey, Air Products employee, out on the bleachers watching his boys tickle the kitty. A pair of quasi designer sunglasses meant he could scan the rinks without anyone knowing who he was looking at. What style! Some people use hand scissors for cutting the wrapping offa supermarket vacuum packed stuff when their false teeth cannot do the job successfully. Others may use them to trim, eyebrows, nasal or earhole hair. Not the Greenmeister for Team Falls. He trims the edge of the sward with a dinky little pair of a morning before he goes home for his well earned salad – he doesn’t eat bread any more you see!! And BTW, when he has finished his afternoon fertilising and locks up the woodcutters cottage, there is nothing better he likes than a cup of tea served in a little teapot as he nibbles on his Garibaldi’s!! Capuccino is now obviously tray passay to use the phonetic French term! And sticking with beverages – I offer you the quote of the week…… “Wee” Stevie Murphy is off to Corfu with Father and Mother so I said to him, “Plenty of Greek Beer eh?” To which the reply was, “ANY Beer!!” Pat, you must be so proud of him! And is Roger the Cyclist the most handsome man in the Club? Someone thinks so. First pint of the year to the person who thinks who that someone is!!! Public Announcement..........as I prepared and ate my Saturday evening repast, I found a single piece of meat in McGee's Butchers Asda chilli stir fry, ......just one piece and it was - to quote an aforesaid skip, “crap!”....tough as Vanessa Feltz's rear end so on no account people should you buy it. How many Vets selectors does it take to break a photocopying machine? Three! Two to hammer it so that the door won’t close and one to sit back going “Tut! Tut!” And how long does in take the Vets to organise themselves into teams for their morning warm up???? Seven minutes……that’s how long!!! Which Mickey “Blue Eyes” said he was fed up cooking for himself and was directed by the Blogmeister to the Indian eaterie above Kelly’s Cellars. When he arrived, he espied the new Thursday morning market outside and instead of forking out £6.50 for two courses he was able to dine al fresco for £3.00 and he deemed it to be “very tasty.” Careful with the pennies would be an understatement!!!! On the subject of Blogs………….a blog is only a blog when people comment. After a very successful start, only a very few contributed to issue two. Please dip in and offer something by way of response to keep things going. In next week’s column, tightwad of the week, the chicken, the blindfold and the feather and Jimmy “Breaks yer Legs” Copeland…………and more. Until the next time…………keep the chalk wet!
24 Comments
Always reserved.
4/5/2015 03:40:31 am
Skips? I prefer the tasty packet of prawn cocktail variety myself.
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Always reserved
4/5/2015 03:43:46 am
Also the reason you aren't getting many comments is because when you enter one, you get asked to prove you're human. Difficult for most of our bowlers!
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Blogmeister
4/5/2015 04:25:00 am
Excellent Always reserved! Good to have you on board with your witty comments!
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JBW
4/5/2015 04:40:30 am
I believe skips, of the snack variety, are made with lots of hot air................................!!!
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Always reserved
4/5/2015 04:53:03 am
Yeah and they collapse into little pieces when you apply pressure. Brilliant snack.
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Blog Administrator aka Webmeister
4/5/2015 04:45:32 am
Just for the record to ensure anonymity of comments I do not have access to email addresses provided when making a comment on the blog. These are solely used by the site 'robots' to inform you when an additional comment has been made (if you tick the relevant box)
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Always reserved
4/5/2015 05:01:51 am
no but you have everyones home address in case they play badly. That way you can send a certain Mr Copeland around to do a "collection". :)
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Blog Administrator
4/5/2015 05:26:59 am
The blog's like Vegas or Glasgow......what happens on the blog, stays on the blog ;-) But if you do happen to get a visit from the 'silent assassin' I do reserve the right to take a cut of the sum collected by way of an administration charge ;)
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Always reserved
4/5/2015 06:31:45 am
You never mentioned how our B Team took to the green, in their whites, looking like stormtroopers from Star Wars. And came off looking like snowmen that got too much sun..I was on the phone straight away to try and adopt one of them. They looked so pitiful...
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Lord of the Rinks
4/5/2015 08:12:28 am
So who has still not added their name to the 'Availability List'? Good to see Coyler making a late return. What about the rest? What incentives do they need?
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Always reserved
4/5/2015 08:52:08 am
Yeah. What incentives does somebody need to play for one of the best bowling clubs in the land?... or even for us for that matter? ;)
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Bowls Are For Soup
4/5/2015 10:19:17 am
An excellent article scribe.
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Not Your Fault
6/5/2015 12:20:02 am
Many thanks for such a humorous blog. Good to see you back in the groove.
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Blogmeister
6/5/2015 04:08:13 am
Dear Not Your Fault...........you will be delighted to know that that the reading at the Garradrimna Book Fair - largest in Ireland was a complete disaster..... it was held in a cattle market, 20,000 books, 1,000 people. I expected that the readings would have been done in a small annex with a select few literary types in attendance. When I arrived and asked for said room and indeed my own dressing room with lavender oils and Buxton Bottled Water...they just laughed, pointed to the auctioneers podium and said " Get up and read sonny". I was introduced as Paul Anthony Ryan - a name I may keep - and proceeded with a few pieces of previously unpublished flash fiction to warm them up. Flash indeed....it came back to me in a frigging flash not a soul listening. Instead they buried themselves head first into the books looking for a bargain - even Irene fell asleep!
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Blogmeister
6/5/2015 09:14:11 am
JBW......I have a replacement roomie for the trip to the land of the Saltire, but I have it on good authority that he may not be up to the standard of the late Alan Brown. Therefore an ad will be appearing in the Blog presently!
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Always reserved
6/5/2015 09:29:55 am
Wait. Are you seriously saying that you going to put an advert up stating "wanted - a man to join me in my hotel room for one, maybe 2 nights only". Are you a no commitment, no strings attached kind of guy?
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'Always reserved' - if the last outing was anything to go by 'Mr Ryan' has very specific wants and needs where a 'room mate' is concerned:
Blogmeister
6/5/2015 02:38:27 pm
Dear Always..........if you were a woman, which I suspect you are not, I would indeed say that I was a free spirit, living only for the moment and immediate gratification but as I suspect you are a hairy male who has been sub on too many occasions, I will state that I am truthful to the one who I am with at any one time!
The General
6/5/2015 10:14:48 am
Jon Boy...could you text me ur e-mail address so that I can send u the club competitions draws for the website. Ta. 07719 084 121
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Always reserved
7/5/2015 11:55:10 am
JBW judging by your eloquent description. How can you be sure our blogmeister writes his own stuff. By the sounds of it he has an entourage to do it for him. Blogmeister judging by your brilliant deductions. You are more Inspector Clouseau than Sherlock Holmes. We shall converse again in the next blog. :)
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8/5/2015 02:54:17 am
Ah the joy of reading some witty banter the bowling season must have started. Once again the back end is taking a hammering as usual from we the front end experts. When will they ever learn? Or listen for that matter?
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blogmeister
8/5/2015 03:08:28 am
Ah Mup! Or perhaps I should use your full name Muppet! I will put up four leads against ANY of your rear end bowlers any time
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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