we start, topical information is not filtering through as quickly as I would like. Remember all I need is the basic information – just a line - and I will put my own personal spin on it. It can be true, nearly true or something which should be true but is not. I am not fussy. I am currently seeking stuff on the present President and as always Dodgy Dan Cregan and Stevie Stiff. Anything on Perfect Pat Murphy would also be acceptable. And now to business…..
DO you know who the biggest collection of touts in the Club are? The B team, that's who. I walked in to the dressing room last week to put up a Vets' notice, and they were scramblin’ over one another to stitch their mates up. All except a certain someone who was doing warm up exercises in the corner by himself - well at least I think that is what they were. It started off with certain individuals leaving gear at home for the recent Dunbarton match but that was only small beer compared to the rest of the back stabbing. Soooo, the next four pieces are courtesy of them…… WHO was seen coming out of a SVDP charity shop with two large black bags? Uncle Jimmy McGetterick, that's who. Now either he had brought them in and was told that even they did not accept such low quality tat, or we was getting stuff for his Romanian tenants in his houses in East Belfast which he rents out to them at exorbitant prices! Either which way, two weeks on the blog in a row Jimmy boy...knew I would eventually get you! SPACE prevents me from giving the full details of the Sloan Rangers trip to Kilmainham Gaol but it involved Jim Brankin's selective bad leg and doing a runner from a bar having ordered a full round of adult refreshment without neither paying for it nor necking it. A credit to your Club boys!!! You really should not be let out alone! WHICH B team skip phoned his wife Geraldine to tell her he would be home soon as he had just ordered a taxi and was promptly told he already had the car with him. Again, you really should not be let out alone! WHICH rink got a “seven” then dropped an "eight" at Dunbarton? AND talking Pat Butler which we do occasionally……….his wife was able to tell me that on a stop off on his recent cruise, his lips got a tad dry (bless!) and he went to a cheap chemist and returned wearing bright pink lip balm. She let him walk round with it for a while before telling him. He had to replace it with stuff which cost €10. Just as well he did not return to the ship wearing it as by all accounts he was like a cross between, Hilda Ogden, Joan Collins and an Armenian transvestite and the jolly seafaring boys would have carved him up. Hello Sailor or bonjour matelot as they say in Armenia!! AND from last week, which ex Pres, who wooed his missus midweek with a £4.99 ASDA bottle of Cava, had to sit down at the following Saturday match cos his hips were sore! Try champagne next time laddie and your cork will really pop! JUST askin’…..are Physical Training (PT) shoes allowed on the green? I thought it had to be proper bowling shoes! DO you know what annoys me? When I get at people in this blog, and even though they read it, they don’t know they are being got at! WHICH Scissor Sister told me that - and I quote –“ her jugs would be in demand with the men later on in the summer”. Which other sister gave me a bar of naughty soap with bite marks on it? Got it from San Quentin did we? Which Mrs Magorrian phoned her son who was stag partying in Hamburg and reminded him to say his prayers at night? I suppose for a few Euro more, the poor girls with no clothes on in the Reeperbahn (Google it!) could have praised the Lord with him! HAVE just been told that the blog is read abroad. At least one person in a certain club in those twenty six counties which abut our Occupied Six is an avid fan. I know some of our friends in Scotland follow it but that does not count as it is part of Britain on the Mainland! AND for the neurotic among you, you know by the time you have read this the Longest Day will just be round the corner don’t you? So it is the run down in to the long winter nights then. But you will get through them. You will have plenty of other exciting things to fill your time with….probably! TO those girlies who insist on lining up the mat with the lane number then dragging it backwards to the precise spot from whence the kitty is to be delivered, like someone dragging a comatozed Jim McCormack outta the back lounge on Opening Day, what will happen if your skip tells you to bring it out and extra twenty feet! See if it is lined up then dearies! AND talking girlies……….. good to see that they now got their own section on the main web page. Any bets on how long it will take for the recipes to appear and also the notes from the seminars. It would be useful. I haven’t laid a good (ahem!) tablecloth in years!! Also Mr Maire Smyth appears under the heading of Bonus Ball. Way to go Stevie! SOMEBODY said Father Eugene said even the Clonard Novena could not save Brian Smith’s bowling on Saturday!! STOP PRESS…..Did you see Uncle Jimmy in the Club on Tuesday as he supported the Occupied Six Counties in their footie match? He was sporting a two tone green twin set probably plundered from the Charity Shop black bags which were meant for the Eastern Europeans! What a cad! He asked someone to cover his slot for the Friday night £50 draw. Probably goin back for late night opening where because of his small but perfectly formed frame he can avail of the stuff from the children’s section! Til next time Keep strokin’ the kitty
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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