JUST a reminder folks that this is a blog and not a column. We really need to see more active participation in the comments section and to this end…..
TALKING Vets which we do occasionally……I counted ELEVEN names on last week’s A and B team call sheet who are entitled to play for the Vets yet choose not to. Really Sad! Where is the Club commitment! Comments please! Now and to business…. A recent snippet from the IBA site…. “PLEASE also ensure your bowls have a valid World Bowls Stamp which should be 2016 or later”. Well done IBA for being not only up to date but impractically ahead of your time!!!! VERY disappointed with Club members last Wednesday. While Midweek B were playing Ballee in a ding dong battle out on the pitch, everyone was inside watching football. I would not mind if it was the National team but it was Italy and some other foreign crowd. Bad form all round! FORGET the Quiz, the Grab a Granny, the Sunday night songfest…. Get yourselves along to the OCD corner of a Friday night and watch Mr and Mrs McIlroy do amazing things with half pints and pints of beer! Yes indeedy, last Friday, within a space of ten minutes, the uncoordinated couple managed to offload the adult refreshment over the sage gathering in separate tricks. Candidates for “Britain’s Got Talent - eh!” Most of it ended up on the table in front of Gerry Lee who quickly got his beermat and shovelled it like a curling brush sweeper into his glass before the official mopping up squad arrived. AND talking Gerry Lee and pints. Which barman made him wait until the ads had finished before pouring him his discounted beverage during the Free State v Italy game! By all accounts he was not the happiest of campers! WHICH girlie by cudda won a wet T shirt competition in a Spanish nightclub after the roll up in Monsoon conditions last Sunday!!! AND for the neurotic among you…. you know that in a hotel room, they just rinse dirty cups under the tap………… don’t you! AND Mr P Butler…the more you give me shit about my long hair….the longer I will grow it! I am a writer you know, writers can do that! AND further on Pat Butler. Spare a thought for his goat which is causing him considerable pain. ( Freakin’ spellchecker – that should have been gout!) TWO selection panels fighting over John Patterson eh? Never thought he was that good! I know….neither did you! AND have you seen the saloon gate fell offa its hinges. The Groundsman said his screws were not right. Story of your life Petesie Boy! AND further Petesie Boy what were you doin’ in the bushes when the girlies were playing their game? AND………the more the head groundsman puts down seed, the more the birds will eat it and the more they eat it the more they will shite and you will be delighted to hear that one of them off loaded the contents of its gut in the middle of a Vets match on top of me....right on the head, the size of a fried egg!. Those around thought it was hilarious and the jokes and smart remarks were flying, especially from Karaoke Kerr and the aforesaid groundsman….. I am quite sure it will raise a small smirk here as well.....especially from the girlies. And as I say if you cannot “do” yourself in this blog, who can you do! WATCHING the four times aforesaid groundsman cutting the grass, I have a tip for him....water it with a mixture of whiskey and water and it will come up half cut. Bamtooosh! PLEASE do not call to Gary McWilliam’s house on Saturday cos he will be occupied. His missus wrote to the Head Selector of the A Team asking that he not be selected on that day as that is “special time”. Allez mon brave as they say in Albania - well those who are French and living there - do! I received yet another story about Mark Leckey. It will stay with me until we play our singles encounter.....and may or may not be released....get my drift Markey boy! I am occasionally quite hard on the girlie bowlers so I would like to clarify that sometimes it is better to be a girlie than a jock. THEIR locker room smells nicer. How I know this is none of your collective business! They have books for borrowing in their locker room. Again….. How I know this is none of your collective business! THEY have covers for their scorecards which means they are returned to their Captains in pristine condition. When I get mine returned from my bunch in the Vets, they are a crumpled mass, covered in chewing gum and God knows what else and they have been filled in with bookies pens and the occasional Argos pencil. THEY do not kick bowls out of the head but set them down neatly on bowling cloths which incidentally are not the beer (and other ) stained bar cloths that most of my cowboys use. THEY have nicer post match teas with tablecloths and flowers (see previous blogs) aaaaannnnddd they don’t belch or make bottom noises. If they accidently do they lift their little finger and say “Sorry ever so!” if it is a top noise! And “More tea Vicar!” if it is a noise from the other end. The Jocks have one phrase which covers everything “Get it out ye!” Sooo rude. THEY have coolers of water at the side of the pitch. Hope it is mineral water ladies with a finely balanced sulphate/phosphate ratio!!! APPARENTLY some of the rough sorts pretend they are going to the toilets when they in fact are shuffling in to the bar for a swift one. Some of the male bowlers apparently do the same thing!!! There is at least one who has an adult restorative tincture in a throat spray!!!! AS well as their locker room, they smell nicer than the Jocks now that we no longer (sadly) have Gerry Carson’s communal industrial strength HORN! aftershave!. BY playing their games in the afternoons, they teach their husbands, in a subtle way to cook for themselves. THEY kiss their opponents at the end of a game. BUT ladies…how can you make a game over four hours!!!! Til next time…………. Keep stroking the kitty
10 Comments
Hair Traffic
27/6/2016 03:48:15 pm
Abuse about your Barnet Fair is mostly justified Mr Blog but from P Butler! I believe the last time he got his hair cut it went out to tender before contract award!
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Blogmeister
27/6/2016 05:15:41 pm
Dear Hair T. I am so glad that my hair pricking more than PB. And on things selection I could not possibly comment as I have now made two games in a row!
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Dizzi Rascal
30/6/2016 01:41:50 pm
Just a few points on the Ladies / Jocks debate:
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Mr Grey
1/7/2016 09:20:03 am
I also share your concern regarding this worrying development and the growth of a library in every bowling club. Indeed on a recent trip over till East Belfast to Belmont Bowling Club myself and fellow athletes whilst donning our armor were somewhat distracted by the books on display! More than one copy of Fifty Shades Of Grey, a Lady Chatterley's Lover somewhat threw the chaps during the team talk and all the money spent by the bowling committee on sports psychologists totally wasted.
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Dizzi Rascal
1/7/2016 12:31:52 pm
Mr Grey, I must admit that your mundane name does not match your general demeanor based on your comment above.
Blogmeister
1/7/2016 04:10:40 pm
Dear Dizzi and Mr Grey -brilliant repartee and such erudition - obviously men of character!
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Fanta
2/7/2016 04:55:15 pm
Selectors are human beings also!
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Blogmeister
3/7/2016 09:40:52 am
Well Fanta...let them gas themselves too when they are not playing well, or move themselves to a position on the team which they can better handle!
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Fanta
4/7/2016 09:19:48 pm
Bloggy,fair point but selectors can only work with the players at their disposal especially in relation to back end players imo.
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Obama I'm Not
4/7/2016 01:30:20 am
Been there done that!
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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