I have been taken to task for making last week’s column too bland. It must be remembered that I tread a fine line between truth, hearsay, things that are marginally true, untruth and litigation. Anyway, I will do my best to spice things up.
JIMMY “the Sharpener” Armstrong has placed an array of finely honed leads available for the start of the season and BTW, it is a loosely held secret that he has 200 more at home. Need to get out more James laddie! But who has supplied the bookies pens? What will it be next? i Pads? GOOD to see Bobby Murray whizzing about again. Rumour has it that the new ramp installed for his egress on to the green will be opened by Eddie the Eagle! Keep on bowlin’ Bobby! J Who had the whitest shirt on Opening Day. It was a close call but our esteemed President just had it by a shade – do you see what I did there – from Frank O’Graham! Honourable mention to the Parker Brothers especially the older one who ironed the younger one’s brand new Ben Sherman. AND speaking of Opening Day……It is well known that several of our bowlists foregathered in Kelstar at noon for some light prandials before the big event. Now which ex President asked for only three sausages and two eggs in his Mega Breakfast as he was “eating later on”. And which Magorrian twin only had scrambled egg and sausage as he was keeping his love handles in trim for his upcoming nuptials. The same one demanded ice cream only at the dessertfest at the end of the dinner? Sorry there were no sprinkles laddie! Or a high chair!!! THE Day itself was marked by messages of congratulations from some of our leading politicians. Arelene Foster was glad to see the Red Hand of our wee country on the Falls Emblem and hoped that as many feet as possible would trample over the Green in the coming season. Gerry Adams stated that he was never a member of a bowling club in the seventies. David Forde stated that it was great how bowling could bring our divided society together and that some of his best friends were in fact………. Roman bowlers. The Socialist Party said that Falls was an elitist and exclusive organisation and that when the revolution came, the Club would be torn down to make way for a joy riding track and glue sniffing space for the disadvantaged youth of west Belfast. PAT “the Stretcher” announces that he is now on Facebook. Pity he has no friends on his FB list. Thanks to an unnamed informant who told me the story in revenge for the aforesaid Pat having taken candid pictures of him at someone’s first sixtieth party in the Club a few years back! AND talking Facebook, check out Joe Dolan’s page. Profile picture shows a reclining bowlist on a sofa wearing a silk shirt and drinking wine in a provocative manner. Bonjour Matelot! Seems Jon B Given may not be the only pink drinker in the Club! More on the poser next week! NOW as you may know, some of our finest bowlists who play in the Stadium have their own little “Rogues’ League” where they form themselves into a little tightly knit group, playing amongst themselves and talking to no one else. WELLLLL!!!! I am informed that the opposing skips in this year’s final were Ricochet Ray and Toucher Trainor and that neither could get any sleep before the big game due to excitement. Methinks if they had left their double bed which they share on a regular basis and one of them moved in to the spare room, they may not have had this problem! ANYWAY, I need not have worried about the conflict of interests regarding the Jolly Boys’ Trip to Dublin. Petit Parker has decided to back out, so it is….. “Another Brandy Alan a mhic, and do you mind sleeping on the left side of the bed!” WHICH Head Groundsman and trainee greenkeeper flushed with the excessive subvention paid to him by the Directors took a romantic beak in Donegal with his bride and organised flowers, chocolates and wine to be left in the room. Unfortunately the wine was missing but he was able to pull out a £3.75 bottle of Pinot Grigio from his Translink Travel bag. Apparently he carries it with him wherever he goes just in case he gets lucky! J And when there, he took the beloved for a meal to the Silver Tassle, where he informs me that there was only one piece of chicken in his stir fry. Little does he know that it was a mistake and it was a vegetarian fry made up of stuff left over after other diners had finished and the piece of reformed hen had been inadvertently thrown in! THE pubs on the strip in a certain resort in the Algarve can once again breathe a sigh of relief as Buster Kerr is back on home soil. Apparently he trawled each and every one on a nightly basis on his recent holiday looking for Karaoke evenings and proceeded to jump in and take over, knocking women and children to the side, forcing the clientele to leave in droves for quieter spots. Fuelled with this new addiction, he went to the sing song in the backroom a few Sundays ago and was most annoyed when he was shunned by the regulars who not only refused his pleas to sing but even tried to evict him from the seat in which he was sitting. AND finally…..nice to see a HUGE entry for the mixed pairs three ball competition. I am sure that it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it is free. Until next time…………. Keep stroking the kitty!
14 Comments
Blogmeister
10/4/2016 08:35:56 pm
Dizzy me and the boys think we have you narrowed down to two possible suspects!!
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Up on the hill
10/4/2016 08:50:17 pm
Politicians added their congratulations. Just what the club needs. More politics.
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Dizzi Rascal
10/4/2016 08:54:23 pm
Oh dear, the Blogmeister and his 'Posse' are on my tail.
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Fanta
11/4/2016 09:35:38 am
Joe Dolan is a man of refinement!
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Blogmeister
16/4/2016 09:19:34 am
Indeed he is as you will see shortly!
Dizzi Rascal
13/4/2016 10:29:42 am
My sources inform me that the Blogmeisters' Posse is starting to gain number. At the last role call he had signed up the following:
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Blogmeister
13/4/2016 11:22:18 am
Dizzi - you young rascal. I have you narrowed down to two. But I need you to give a clue to spice things up!
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Dizzi Rascal
14/4/2016 09:49:54 am
Join me for a little fun:
Blogmeister
14/4/2016 06:22:47 pm
Intriguing Rascal.....my two suspects, unless they lie, have been stroked off. Not as young as I thought perhaps! Perhaps a father with a semi musical background?
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Dizzi Rascal
15/4/2016 09:14:36 am
Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti ........ NO !!
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The General
15/4/2016 12:30:41 pm
High chair......brilliant ! Reference to the previous blog and the grammatical faux pas by the x-president - your write Meister, gets mee vary annotated two :-)
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Mr Holmes
15/4/2016 05:21:25 pm
Mr Rascal. There is one clear clue in your posts. Thanks for that.
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Blogmeister
16/4/2016 09:22:04 am
Do share Mr. Holmes
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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