Yet again I am happy to correct an error in my reporting. Last week I suggested that some parvenu had upstaged Jimmy The Crutch-Sharpener by putting bookies’ pens in the Jocks Locker Room. It was in fact Jimmy himself in an unconditional act of philanthropy and I am assured that they were ARGOS pens!
For those travelling to Glasgow, just to let you know that the Pillmeister has only limited supplies of his performance enhancing drugs left. His surgery in the OCD corner will be open on Thursday afternoon next week. When they’re gone, they’re gone. Apparently sipping a G and T makes you a bad person according to a certain Midweek B skip! After speaking with a fellow bowlist in the confines of the dressing room, I am reminded of two things…………. (i) they walk amongst us and……….(ii) always make sure you position yourself between them and the door as my old College mentor used to tell me!! How many girlies do you reckon got their hair done for the Cup Final? More than several – that’s how many!! And most of you did indeed look beautiful!! And in preparation for the aforesaid Final they played the top jocks in the Club to hone their skills. Now I could get at the one loosing skip, Peter McGarrity for this, but he is getting done big time elsewhere so I choose one of his lackies “Pass Remarkable” Jim Murtagh instead. Listen James, it was Girlies you were playing!!!! My hamster could have taken them on a wet Sunday, but you laid down and died. Bernie McCullough was over the moon. I pity poor Derek who was looking forward to a nice cup of coffee and the “Antiques Roadshow” afterwards and was probably subjected to “victory loving” thanks to your incompetence!! Well done Bernadette and rink – well deserved win! And Jimmy Boy – any time you are ready….I’ll take you on……..and out! What’s a “high five”? The good doctor from Malone BC certainly does not know, or else he refuses to indulge in pseudo African American forms of “you da man” which Billy T tried to enforce on him! Hear there is a Starbucks Franchise opening in the Riverdale area???!!!! Or maybe not! Just in case you read this non bowlist……bowling nosebags are for bowlers only!!! And talking nosebags………… Dan Cregan….. bravo for scuttling into the silver medal position in the Mixed Triple Nosebag Stakes and hoovering up circa thirty per cent of the total provender available on to your plate with the quote “I hope I haven’t taken too much”!! Which B team lead arrived at the Club naked except for his undies, socks, shoes, Club jacket and nothing else? Which bowlist arrived down to the Club with his wife in tow to make sure the jacket he was buying from the estate of the late Aiden Hanna was the correct size! Listen Laddie……. learn to do things for yourself. Bet when you get a smudge on your cheek, she wets her handkerchief and dabs it off!! Ask Ray McIlroy did he enjoy walking around the theme parks in Florida? Then ask Michael Martin his favoured relation. You will not get the same answer. In fact one might be full of expletives!! Rumour has it that we need to order new dummies as quite a number were spat out last week, especially when team sheets were put up! The stories from the “Love Boat” abound, related by the good Peter McGarrity himself on return from his cruisette. The list of “crimes” aboard was endless. A waiter was stabbed and two people died. Rumour has it – well it doesn’t but I am saying it – that the waiter stabbed himself and the others took lethal injections to avoid his endless stories of his bowling prowess! In addition, three families were put off in Spain and a waitress was let go in France! Agatha Christie could not freakin’ write it!! Just as well the gratuities were paid up front ‘cos I am reliably told that in a previous year, the aforesaid Greenmeister, legged it from a Sorrento pension without leaving a tip after a week’s stay. He missed his breakfast as he hurried to escape and spent three times what a normal person would have left as a tip on a nosebag in the airport!!! One of the joys of being Blogmeister is that you can have a convivial conversation with someone without them knowing that you are mentally recording everything they say. Sooooo………..who cannot be left alone when he goes on holiday with friends and family!??! Pat McClean - that’s who. He got lost not only in Berlin but also Rome. In the latter case he went out for oranges for breakfast and just kept walking. It was dark when a kind lady eventually dumped him off in a taxi at his hotel!!!! Great stories Pat. Thanks for making me laugh. Who is our own Bear Grylls, off to the wilds to hunt and fish next week???? Talking skips and leads and mixed Triples, a certain lady played lead to another certain lady as skip and avowed although the lady skip lady was “ a shite skip” she was, in fact, a very nice woman.! And further on skips and Mixed Triples……….just because some of you were skips in this competition does not mean that you really are a skip. Know what I’m sayin??.......... And leading on…. for the neurotics amongst you. So you were playing lead in the Mixed Triples and one of the senior bowlers was skip. Of course he/she was not inwardly cursing you for being useless. It’s only in your mind. Everyone thinks you are great………….’course they do! Next week…….more for the neurotic among you! And finally an original cheap smutty seaside postcard slogan for your T shirt…….. “Bowlers do it bending down”………..Go on Michael Martin Moore – I dare you, get one done!! Keep the chalk wet!.........
17 Comments
Lord of the Rinks
26/7/2015 10:14:54 am
Anyone who spits out the dummy should not be considered for selection for at least a season. Including 'past presidents'!
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Blogmeister
26/7/2015 12:35:29 pm
Agreed Lord............having been overlooked for most of the season, I am aware of my limitations and accept that, but in the case I refer to in the column, the off loading of the soother incident was because a certain someone was selected to play "third" to an old guy whom he did not rate highly!!!! Sad times!!
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Top Half of the Draw
27/7/2015 02:31:51 am
The not so good Doctor lol.Would gladly have played second to that old guy...not enough said about the man, the myth and the legend according to Sir Patrick Martin Moore.Bowls a very emotive sport and we are guilty at times of fits of pique?
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
27/7/2015 02:55:52 am
Poor Billy T - I must remember this when we play our singles game in a few weeks time.
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Lord of the Rinks
27/7/2015 01:48:54 pm
Blogmeister, many have been gassed and vented their spleen. They calm down and accept this reluctantly. Those that remove themselves totally from availability are the ones I'm talking about.
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Top Half of the Draw
28/7/2015 02:27:06 pm
Lordo and Bloggy on a positive note good to see all of our teams towards the top half of the leagues at this point.Yes it can be difficult when you are not picked or are sub.It is good to want to play I feel and we are lucky to field four teams as well as two vets.Wonder who is picking in Glasgow,No contention please?
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
29/7/2015 05:32:47 am
Top Half - we should maybe take a vote on the bus or plain to decide the tours selection panel.
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
29/7/2015 05:37:12 am
I forgot to mention that it is also too early in the season to let Blogmeister play his game of guess the abuser, or in other words guess the contributor from their 'screen names'.
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Blogmeister
29/7/2015 01:11:05 pm
Still intrigued as to who Dizzi is
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The Enigmatic Dizzi Rascal
29/7/2015 03:07:00 pm
My Dear Meister, if your wish to persuade Michael Martin to go ahead with his 'Carry On....' T-shirt idea may I suggest your pose is used, if not indeed your picture which I referenced previously when I was dismayed at the discourteous behaviour.
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Blogmeister
30/7/2015 11:42:36 am
Dear Enigmatic......the performance enhancing drugs were found secreted in one of my drawers......as they were not in the box and hence undateable, they could very well be surplus stock from last year's trip. They are in fact what the French call "le weekenders" but alas they were hovered up today in the OCD corner by a gentleman who may or may not be going to Glasgow so I am without! Merde!
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
30/7/2015 04:47:04 pm
I hope you gave Mr Parker Esq a great deal ;)
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
30/7/2015 04:56:37 pm
Dizzi Rascal, just like our blogmeister I am intrigued as to your identity.
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Blogmeister
31/7/2015 12:52:15 am
Sean Og a mhic.......apologies for replying in the Saxon tongue but there are few who would understand if we communicated "as Gaelige"......Dizzi Rascal as you may know is a rapper type chap so my money goes on the younger Magorrian twin!
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Dizzi Rascal
1/8/2015 05:35:35 am
I hope Glasgow is going well for everyone.
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Blogmeister
4/8/2015 01:08:41 pm
Aha Dizzi...... So you stayed behind......my first choice is true.....I believe you are a wench!
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Dizzi Rascal
5/8/2015 02:51:05 am
Ah Blogmeister, I couldn't possibly confirm or deny my travelling status last weekend.
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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