A short column this week as I have just returned from tanning and toning up my racing snake body in Lake Garda!
Whose new sports car is called Tiffany???? Joe Dolan! That’s who!!! Which Senior bowler was caught by the ticket inspector riding the rails without having paid the full fare??? Who was caught slipping into an AC/DC concert under disguise. Liam and Jack! That’s who! Keep on rocking lads! If you’re gonna dress from head to toe in beige – or tope as he would have it called – please make sure the socks are coordinated Mickey – eh? And further on dress code, socks are never worn with sandals and Never socks with pink toes Danny Boy! Quote, possibly of the season, “Great line! Just take it out a wee bit more!” Brilliant Jay Lo! I have to report that the first attempts to scare off the resident magpies with my air pistol ended in abject failure. It was quickly worked out by the feathered vermin that the weapon has a range of about 21 cm and packs a punch as strong as a wet tissue. The birds (generic name Corvus Pica) simply looked with scorn as the little orange pellets flew past them to the left and right and they sat right where they were. I may have shared this with some of you verbally before but I am short of titbits this week. Which eligible, but not signed up, Vet can avail of free travel as he is of a certain age but still pays the full fare because he is (a) too vain and wants others to think he is still in his mid fifties (b) he feels he has enough money and does not need free state handouts (c) he is just a stupid wally – not my choice of words! And…………as I write it has come to my attention that another bowlist who could avail of the 65 plus bus pass – “never really bothered!” Question………….do all A team Jocks wear regulation bowling shoes? Answer…………...No! Style – it does not take much – just a bit of style!!!! It’s like drinking with your mates and they order man pints and you order shandies!!! Sitting with my back to the pitch, facing my beloved and giving her the fullest of attention just in case her headache might clear up before bedtime, she says to me, “Look at him, he’s not bad!” I turned to the sward to watch a certain Paul McEwan, reigning open singles champion, continually rolling a few lazy ones to within a ridiculous distance from the jack! Bless! And to the bowler who consistently refers to my belly – the reason it is there laddie is because your wife gives me a Bounty Bar every time I do her!!! Which Vets skip walked on to the pitch, did all the obligatory hand shaking walked to the head to receive the trial bowls of his front end then walked back to the oche to find his bowls were not on the environs of the mat but actually still in his bowling bag????!!! And which Vet bought solar stones for his back garden so that they would shed a comforting green light as dusk fell only to find that he is always in bed before the aforesaid stones give off their eerie luminescence???!!!! And which Vet tried to open his locker with his electronic key fob? Who thought he had underseat heating in his reasonably new car passenger seat as he reached over to place his cap only to find it was the warm glow from a fellow bowlist to whom he had just given a lift. It is a well known fact that stroking placid animals such as cats and rabbits can have a soothing affect on people with certain hyper disorders and also on elderly people who are lonely and/or confused. Soooooooo, as I was lying in my bed with my hands cupped around my horlicks, I had a brainwave. As bowls is a slow, almost lethargic game, we could rent out some of our smaller perfectly formed members to the adjacent folds for the aforesaid stroking of. I think we could be on to a winner here and earn enough money to get a new jacks/ mats locker. And if some of our Vets wanted to avail of the soothing facility they could well………just stroke themselves! Keep the chalk wet!.....
3 Comments
Top Half of the Draw
12/7/2015 10:40:49 am
Welcome back Bloggy.Some people missed you.On your hols did you go on any holy buses?Rumour has it that you brought back fridge magnets,trinkets and duty free for the select few!
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Sean Og
12/7/2015 10:48:01 am
Rumour also has it that our Blogmeister is turning his back on the blue pharmaceutical supply & moving into the alternative medicine field.
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Blogmeister
12/7/2015 11:36:22 am
Dear Top Half......a few refreshing Italian beverages were indeed brought back for a select one which was me.....and Sean. Mhic......I now deal in the brown variety and can do you a two for one offer! And yes....Mr T is your source for the Ballycastle weed!
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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