I apologise about misleading you about the make and model of McGarrity’s new car last week. Apparently his huge head was hitting the roof of version number one so he went for a Mokka instead. Maybe you shudda tried a coupay like Sean “Slim” McMahon then we cudda had two wallies with pretentious cars in the car park!
AND how far does the aforesaid big head live from ASDA….approximately thirty seven yards exactly. Then why does he drive his new “wheels” as he calls them when doing his shopping there! AND talking McGarrity…I know who steals the orange flowers you lovingly planted and tended over the year. Pop into some Girlie match day and catch the culprit red handed! FINALLY on McGarrity….so you did not see the wheelchair victim who shouted and banged on the side door of your bus as you drove away from the stop! Bad Craic! WELL not finally at all….. ……… having for years avoiding the E toll system of the M50 of the Free Twenty Six Counties, a bill finally arrived on the mat of his home in the Occupied Six. Pay up laddie or you might find yourself “serving up to twenty years in a penitentiarreeeeeeee” to quote an old Irish American ditty! WHO loaned his car to Murph for an away game and which aforesaid Murph pocketed the mileage money which had to be prised from his hand on his return!! WITH regard to the Jolly Boys’ Outing, a few musings…. THE Mild Bunch took almost five hours to get to Dublin because of a series of diversions en route . Just as well Kevin Brennan got up at seven am, had a full cooked breakfast, went back to bed then got up to meet the rest of the team at nine, because the brekkie promised as we crossed into that foreign country which abuts the border of Norn Iron was not served until nearly one pm. Anyway, although we were abroad, we got the full Occupied Six Counties Fry but it did not please all of the boys. Dinky Alan Brown complained that he was not given a butter knife! ANYWAY….in spite of Satnav Sloan’s directions we got there and went straight to the pub. Now you may remember in last week’s column that I suggested that a small Jameson’s pushed in my direction would assure no mention in the blog? Well there had better be four refreshing tinctures pushed my way before next week otherwise the whole world will know the names of the four chappies who kept the bus waiting for thirty three minute before heading off to our match! AND….. for the wifeys who remained at home cleaning and cooking – as is just right - there was only one game…on the Friday…..nothing on the Saturday or Sunday. We just got wasted. AND talking wasted….which Jolly Boy could not wait for the convivial social lubricants at the host club, got hammered the night before and was more than a tad bilious on the way down on the bus! OK…it was me…now get over it! AND which Jolly Boy looked outta the window of his room and shouted a bold word at Sean the ex Post Magorrian as he crossed the forecourt only to find that it was not in fact the aforesaid ex Post but a lookalike! OK..it was me again –that is the last freebie you are getting! WHICH ex Pres has pink and grey jammies? The same one whose wifey Brigid brought his dog up to the Club to say goodbye to him….. . If it could speak it would have said “don’t leave me daddy, don’t leave me!” JIMMY the Crutch was seen coming outta an off licence at eight thirty on the morning of departure with a whole bottle of red wine and four cans for the room….what a party animal! And BTW Jimmy boy, not as sophisticated as you think you are………..that well known bon viveur Sean Mullan deemed your wine to be “shite” as he necked most of it while you lay in a drunken stupor! AND talking party animals, which raker, raconteur, burner of candles at both ends and perennial non drinker said that when you are away on a Jolly Boys’ outing that “you have to let your hair down!” Never a truer word Gentleman Jim Copeland! You are a freakin legend! NOW you will well know that maids clean up the room, but my Roomie Alan Brown cleaned out the room as we left…………shower caps, coffee, tea, UHT milk….if it was not nailed down, he was for having it! He also prefers his toilet seat down….just like a girlie! Always thought he was a bit suspect!! AND on matters similar…….whose favourite tipple is sweet cider followed by a Bailey’s with ice chaser and wears brown shoes with yellow laces??? A bit festive Gerry boy methinks! FOR the neurotic among…… so you do not feel the love coming from your fellow members? Do not worry. Jesus loves you…………probably! WHY does a certain person who lives in Glen Parade get offa the bus at Donegal Road and walk the rest of the way???? GOOD to see Mr Bernadette McCullough recovering from his little “turn” at Lamh Dearg. But what was he doing wandering around a football club in bare feet and without having eaten for two days! LISTEN girlies………. The object of the game is to get the big black one close to the small yellow one. In the wider environs does not really count! Lucky for you the opposition thought they just had to get their bowls over the imaginary line which runs from the markers at either side of the pitch otherwise you would not have won! NO Eddie…….one shows his versatility on the green….not his virility!!! APOLOGIES to Paul McEwan for suggesting he was bland in last week’s blog! I have recently found he is a closet C and W fan with all the trimmings! Keep her country Paulie Babeee! Bet you have a pic of a topless Nathan Carter on your ceiling! WHO necks other peoples’ pints before he catches the 10.47pm up the road? Jimmy the Crutch that’s who. Course it was a mistake James! ANOTHER excuse for a shite bowl…. “The wind blew over me!” Of course it did Dominic G laddie! Of course it did! WHICH member of staff should know better and not park in a Disabled Space…………twice in two days? IF anyone needs some coaching or a game marked, please give Mickey the Marker a shout. If it moves, he will mark it! Until next time……. Keep stroking the kitty
2 Comments
Dizzi Rascal
17/8/2016 04:48:07 pm
Either things were very quiet and sociable in Dublin or Blogmeister was totally legless with all the singles bought in order to buy silence.
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Dear Dizzi
18/8/2016 10:52:57 am
How almost very perspicacious of you. First of all, for once I was reasonably sober. When you share with Big Al Brown, you need your wits about you and you sleep with one eye open as he has a few strange habits.. I did hint at the lack of jollity when I referred to us as the "Mild Bunch!" The only thing untoward was Tommy Spence coming down to breakfast in his jammie top! Oh...and Diddy Sean Mullan entertaining two very attentive ladies before someone whispered to them that they were in fact hookers!
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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