Maureen McMullan, if you cannot tell the sex of a jelly baby, I have the very man to show you!
If you want to know how many days to Christmas – TO THE NEAREST FREAKIN’ SECOND ask the Greenmeister. He has an app…..ask him to show it to you in the presence of John “The Dulcemeister”Tierney and watch what happens!!! And talking Greenmeisters…. which Greenmeister was somewhat scathing of the alleged age of fifty year old Paul McGeough??? And when told he had a twin, replied “Who?” I have been asked to pose the question “Who started divinely and finished divinely in the PG “Junior” Cup match recently?” Playing against Mossley early in the week, I noticed that their ladies were out rehearsing with long jacks, short jacks, mats in, mats out, playing to a strategically constructed head etc. Maybe you should think about it ladies. Not the men of course…oh no…. not at all…….no not in very deed L “You can stuff your friendlies with the Scots next year. I won’t play!”………a post Glasgow vitriolic dummy spit from someone who was not invited! Listen laddie, if you were not invited on this trip….it is unlikely that you will be asked to play in the friendlies either and if I was President, I would not have invited you either!! And talking dentists from last week………Who has to have a specialist dentist to work on his teeth? Stevie the Stiff that’s who! No ordinary BDS will do! Apparently he has a condition which warrants it! Who arrived on the pitch at Ballymena in his simmit and without bowls? Gary Mc Williams that’s who! Pat Butler avowed to Gary that he would not mention this to me. He lied! Thanks Pat! And well done Gary on winning the first bag off the carousel sweepstake on the Glasgow trip…..you deserved it with your infectious sense of humour which pervaded the whole weekend!!! Rab’s new love nest is available for visitors any time except when he is actually on the nest!! And Carlos son…….when you plant two on the jack, the sporting thing to say to outside opposition is either “That was lucky!” or “Sorry ‘bout that” NOT “ Take that ya *******!! Even Presidents are not exempt from getting done. Kevin “Bootlegger” Brennan BSc ……. for the graduates among you, note the alliteration with the consecutive use of the “B” consonant …….. is in the process of making sloe gin with juniper berries. And how do I know this? Cos he bored the collective arses offa his drinking buddies two Sundays ago going through the process bit by bit from maceration through to distillation. He makes elderflower wine as well and according to his present squeeze “it is not offensive after three large glasses” which means that you are more likely to get wasted drinking Ribena! What entrepreneurship, what endeavour, what a cheapskate!!! OK men bowlers…hands up………. who has not changed or washed his shirt since the start of the season!!!! I know at least one and it is not me!! Driver Alert Number One: …..Brilliant comment by Danny McKinney on Rabbi Jack’s driving….. “When he drives we all close our eyes - just like he does!” Driver Alert Number Two:….. Avoid hitching a ride to games with Eamon Logue. By all accounts his road skills are akin to my bowling skills…………yip that bad! Driver Alert Number Thee……..old quote from Eddie McNally as he sped on to a roundabout ignoring the give way to right law………. “I was there first!” Driver Alert Number Four……..do not give Alan Brown a lift to a match unless you make sure he winds the window up completely after he has let it down to let some air in. A sizeable volume of two buckets loads of water made its way in as I washed the car. He does however make a mean roasted pepper and tomato soup……….and you thought he was just a bowler with a pretty face!! It is well known that the Club has a stable of artists and their work was rightly lauded at an exhibition almost two years ago. It is a lesser well known fact that there are a number of penmen/women who have been experimenting with creative writing either in classes or behind the confines of their own four walls. It is proposed to establish a Falls Writing Group who would initially meet for 6-8 weeks of collective teaching and sharing and perhaps hold a presentation night of readings at the end with any proceeds going to Club funds. If interested simply mail [email protected] and we will see if and how we can proceed. And for those of you new to the blog who play front end bowls – including the neurotics - dig out the archives from a few years back to get some informative guidelines and exhortations from skips and what they really mean when they say. A short sample follows:- “Just carrying a few!”…………...Crap! “Just put a few on!”……………..Crap “Good try!”……………………...Crap! “The line was great!”……………Crap! “You know what you need”……..A Different Game Son!!!!!! And another one for the neurotics amongst you…………how many of you have entered every single competition and have been dumped out at the first round in every one? Ah ha….thought so! Remember Quentin Crisp’s old saying….. “If at first you don’t succeed – failure may be your style!” Some more musings from the “Mild Bunch” trip to Glasgow. Firstly the performance enhancing drugs were gone five minutes after the surgery opened in the OCD corner on Thursday. And who had the full Ulster before they left home and had another one in George Best Airport two hours afterwards??? As I pulled into the car park for the trip, I noticed a small group of brown skinned gentlemen scurrying to and fro. On closer observation, these were deemed to be Sherpas waiting to load Jim McCormack’s luggage on to the Coach! Keep the chalk wet……..
10 Comments
Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
10/8/2015 07:44:57 am
I wonder did it take the highly educated catering staff of 'Dancing Shoes' Belfast City Airport four attempts to get a full ulster right!
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Obama I'm Not
10/8/2015 04:02:25 pm
Dear Bloggy it's too early to collect sloes. That'll come in autumn. It's blackcurrant gin and blackcurrant vodka being prepared for Christmas.
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Blogmeister
11/8/2015 04:39:38 am
Listen Laddie......there is no aura about making blackcurrant gin and vodka.........I have done the same and find it is perfectly drinkable after two days!!!! No distillation is involved. And Sean A Chara.........Gentleman Jim told me that "one can never be too careful" when packing a case. I looked inside it and it seemed as if it had not been cleared out since last year! Quite a surfeit of underpants......
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Dizzi Rascal
11/8/2015 04:53:01 am
I don't know what type of club I have gotten myself involved in.........first it was pink cider, now its blackcurrant gin and vodka, whatever next - Pimms on Final's Day!!!!
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
11/8/2015 06:31:45 am
Talking of shoes, who has admitted the following earlier today?:
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Blogmeister
11/8/2015 07:58:21 am
Bet you were a teachers' snitch in bunscoile Sean Og!!!! :)
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
11/8/2015 08:04:28 am
I didn't name and shame - I just reported an 'incident / disclosure' ;-)
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Top Half of the Draw
12/8/2015 04:31:47 am
Bloggy,Would you wear crocs and a mickey mouse t shirt if you went to Florida?Don McIlroy did...that is went to Florida lol
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Seán Óg de BHÁLTÚN
12/8/2015 05:55:31 am
Top Half - please tell me this wasn't his complete ensemble ;)
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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