WHICH Vets’ selector could not find the glasses which were actually…..on his nose!! Certainly not me nor Pat McClean!
EXCUSES for an errant bowl…..(a) “There’s a bit of moss there. It holds it up” – when it is four yards short (b) “There is a bald spot there” – when it ends up in the ditch (c) “The wind caught it” – when it draws too quickly. (d) “The new mower cuts unevenly, you really can’t judge the pace of the green. I blame the Greenkeeper” - when no two deliveries are the same. (e) “Sorry, that was crap”. Bet you do not hear the last one….ever!! APPARENTLY Peter McGarrity recently gave someone change out of a ten pound note for a single fare on his bus without raising his eyebrows, complaining or giving a lecture! He reached into his top pocket and produced a five pound note which he then handed to the gobsmacked passenger along with rest of the change…….. without saying a word. The passenger said: “I was fully expecting a brief but nasty lecture, or at least a huge, heaving sigh, but he just handed over the money without acting like it came out of his wages” .But McGarrity – who never really bothered studying for a Masters’ degree - said: “I was just in a reasonably good mood today. Normally I would have been an absolute knob.” He said his passengers were lucky they were not on the mainland in London, where you cannot pay with money, or abroad in Dublin where you have to have the exact change. He added: “I might go drive a bus in London or Dublin then. That way I can really be a tosser to people who simply want to exchange money for a bus journey.” GO on…treat yourselves…cut along down to Sainsburys of a Monday afternoon and watch Mr and Mrs Brian Smith trying to negotiate the self service checkout…pure theatre. ANYONE else noticed that Sue Murphy is a very aggressive bowler when you annoy her? WHAT’S better than a swift sweet sherry after a gruelling twenty one ends against foreign opposition in the Ladies PG pairs? A nice cup of tea that’s what!! Well done girlies….no surprise there then! IT is rumoured that Mr Maire Smyth does not like sex on the beach. Now we all know this the cocktail but do not let it prevent you from visualising Stevie’s bare buttocks as he does assisted press-ups in the dunes to the right of Bunbeg Strand the next time you see them together! Sorry Son of Stevie but if you read this column, you gotta expect stuff like this! You don’t think you were an Immaculate Conception do you! WHICH bowler likes playing away from home? IS it unfair to call the Selectors the Gasmen?? WHICH young bowlist does not need to practise, according to his rose tinted glasses wearing father! FOR the neurotic among you….. you know that when you get a decorative flower on your plate in a Chinese restaurant that it is not the first time it has been used …… don’t you! AND…. isn’t it about time that someone invented left handed bowls for left handed players instead of them trying to adapt to right handed ones………. Just sayin’ that’s all! It would make the Pipecleaner happy! AND talking sophistication from a few weeks back, if you have little to do of a Friday afternoon, pop along to the Club where occasionally you will be treated to a melange of oysters and faux caviar. Ex bowlist John Tierney thinks it is the pants. AND to those who do it - and you also know who you are – a reminder that the objective of the game of lawn bowls is not to see how many peoples’ hands you can shake before, during and after the game and reminisce about the great clash with Dunbarton in 1974 etc etc…..it is to win and win clinically! DAN Dan the sunscreen man!.. Listen laddie if you are gonna try to “borrow” some Factor 100 best not to ask my current squeeze…..she tells me everything! “WHEN I first started bowling, I could not bowl to save my life!” Listen dearie, I have news for you………… you still can’t! THERE are two things you do not lay claim to in a jocks’ locker room when it is full…….of touts. Either that you have a small todger or a big head! Which one did Peter McGarrity own up to???? WHICH voyeur who lives opposite the Kebab House can tell what Club members are buying and what sauce they prefer. Do you spy on other things too Danny Boy….and I do not mean silver backed gorillas in the mist! WHICH Midweek A player is forced to sit in the back lounge eating his fish supper on a table without a tablecloth or cut flowers. Come on girlies. Put your recently learned skills to use and make sure Paul McGeough is properly seen to! WHICH ex President literally throws his money away. Big Kev that’s who……bucked his wallet in the jocks’ locker room bin! WHO has the most nicknames in the Club? Jimmy “the Waterboy” Armstrong that’s who. Who were you trying to impress James son? I got the info while on a bus in Albania from a stoolie back home! For Chrissake Seamus a mhic..lose the Donegal tweed hat. I know you think it makes you look like John Wayne in “The Quiet Man” but really…have you looked in the mirror……stand on a chair and see yourself! AND talking twats in hats, The Silly Hat Award in this year’s In The Ditch Annual Awards will not be awarded as my current squeeze brought me one while in Greece and I would win it hands down! AND Michael Martin Moore be careful what you post on Facebook!!! I am giving you a freebie with one of your last postings and will not share it with the group! Til next time…….. Stop Press!!!!!! AND.....more on the ex President. I have been reliably informed by another ex Pres that the immediate past ex Pres did not stay for tea at a recent game played during the week as he had bought his missus a bottle of Cava and was going home to "give it to her"......every innuendo intended! WHICH ex Willowfield player still carries his old membership card? Listen laddie......we are not like Netflix where you can take out membership for a trial period to see if you like it or not! Dump the card matey! And which other ex Willowfield free transfer prefers Neil Young to playing for Falls? A good spell on the benches would stop that sort of thing!!! Until next time…. Now you can stroke the kitty
4 Comments
Obama I'm Not
14/6/2016 01:48:12 pm
Is there a prize for the most mentioned ex president / member this year?
Reply
Sean Og
16/6/2016 12:50:23 pm
If there is, you have a long way to go before you catch up with me ;)
Reply
Blogmeister
16/6/2016 12:55:17 pm
Lads I think Doubtful Dan Cregan holds the record but yet again the Neurotic One gets a mention gets a mention every week so perhaps he is one of you????
Reply
Paranoid Android
19/6/2016 10:58:48 am
Another well written article Blogmeister. I noticed nothing about me in your article or maybe there was under an assumed name. Why are you picking on me? Or why are you not picking on me?
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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