Re the Mild Bunch trip to Dublin…..I had decided not to run with this one but one of the quartet got shirty so here goes… in the absence of four Jamesons being passed my way, the four Jolly Boys who kept the bus waiting for thirty three minutes in Dublin were Michael “Who” Gannon, “Interesting” Gary McWilliams and Sean “The Ex Post” Magorrian. The fourth one bought me a pint at the end of term Midweek B team drink fest so I will not name him. Well as team captain he bought the squad plus the associated hangers on a pint too. He was seen to be sobbing in the corner afterwards!! Annddd…..while the rest of us necked man pints, Alan Brown sipped a Chardonnay! He said it had the aroma of gooseberies. Someone else said it had the aroma of tuna!
AND finally on the Jolly Boys Outing…which roomie said he would rather stick hot needles in his eyes rather than share with a certain other roomie EVER again. Refreshing beverage of choice for a correct verbal or E reply to me. WELL not quite finally…..I am reminded by Gerry D. that his laces were orange and not yellow. Glad to correct that petal. Like you, I would not be seen dead in the first combination! Feng sui in footwear is sooooooo important! xxxxx DON’T normally do this but I have been asked to thank Colm and Aidan for their contribution to Midweek B. AND for the neurotic among you have you been invited to the fiftieth birthday party of the week. No? Ah well…you can always go to your own. I hear BT are selling off some old phone boxes!! That should give you plenty of room for your friends! WHICH two bosses said McGarrity “the Bus” was a proper bollocks when he worked for them? My words not theirs but not far away from the original if you get my drift! APOLOGIES for suggesting last week that the aforesaid McGarrity drove his new car thirty seven yards to ASDA to do his shopping. It was in fact to buy his copy of the Sun. Glad to have cleared that up for you Petesy boy! AND the foresaid McGarrity was LIVID when a next door neighbour inadvertently let grouting dust blow over the car. Whatya gonna do when birds start shitting on it Petsey baby….shoot them? AND then, when he was out cleaning the car, his wifey gave his dinner away to her sister who called unexpectedly. Chin up Pete it was only fish fingers…a tad working class eh for a man who drives a classy car!? AND, the ever lovely Deirdre Keatings can indeed confirm that while she watches TV of an evening, she can hear the sounds of Georgie baby hammering away in his man cave. Hope he cleans the mess up afterwards! NOW that we have a doctor in our midst, he and Pat “The Stretcher” Connolly could branch out on their own and form a rapid response medical team. Their first task could be to revive the ever collapsing Dan Cregan when he is asked to buy a drink! Oh wait, he is not a real doctor I hear you say, just a doctor of hard sums. I never really bothered myself actually! RANDOM Disabled Area Parking Misdemeanors …..Silver Grey Hyundai EEZ 4859, Blue Peugot VFZ 3545 (continually), Silver Audi LHZ 2799, Meriva Peugot IEZ 9496 (several times) Who the hell are Sailsbury? Cos that was on the team sheet for last week for the Big Boys game. A cardinal spelling error. Hope it was not committed by a graduate and/or a teacher!! A reminder to get nominations in for the annual “In The Ditch Awards”. After speaking with the sole nominee for the H Samuel Award For The Best Use Of Costume Jewelry, I have decided, largely for my own good, to withhold it this year!! CONGRATULATIONS and very well done indeed to Deirdre Walsh on organizing the first ever Lady President’s Trip!! A refreshing adult social lubricant is offered to any home or away Captain, or appointed substitute, at after match foodfests who can manage to make a speech which does not include the following: “ belated welcome…..excellent meal/supper….best of luck in any remaining competitions….special relationship….played in good spirit……glad of the points…safe home…” AND by the way Falls – not Falls A of course- the reason we hear opposing speakers saying that they always enjoy coming here is not that they have the aforesaid special relationship with us. It is that they normally walk away with the points. AND further on the Brown’s toilet in their new bathroom, rumour has it that it is now fully automated and operates with a series of claps! As an old theatre mentor once told me… “You get the clap you deserve!” THIS next bit was meant to be posted a month ago but better stuff kept coming in…. EX bowlist John Tierney was fitting a battery to his smoke alarm when it went off and the shock of hearing the high pitched squeal resulted in him falling offa the step ladder with an equally high pitched squeal of his own and ending up in A and E. As our Scottish friends would say. “Awa’ ya big Jessie!” AND talking of Scottish friends, a little Scottish joke…. I ken it, you ken it, Patsy Kensit!!!! A Welsh one to follow next week! AND Gabrielle, as his retirement kicks in remember ….half the salary, twice the husband! How’s that workin out for ya! AND staying with things Magorrian my spies tell me that he closed the car door on his thumb thus ruling himself outta last Tuesday’s game. Silly Boy! WE all know Brian Smith is known as the “Dander”. Time I think to rechristen “Satnav” Sloane…. Why not Sloane “the Saunter” sounds much better don’t you think! YOU know I always have a little dig at the neurotic among you – see above!! Just for information…it is a plural noun, based on an amalgam of four different people not just one. Sleep easy now guys! It is not you……..probably!! WHOSE missus phones her hubby and says “Quick the opposition are a player short, get down here fast!” “Do you want me to play?” he says. “No” There’s a spare dinner going. Take it. I could not be arsed cooking for you tonight!”…… And he even washed his plate up afterwards! Bless you Ray, you are a true…………well the words will eventually come! BTW…he necked it in 73 seconds. QUITE innocently and without any hint of wit whatsoever, Brendan Rice, when he heard London Irish were coming for a friendly said, “Oh! Is that the crowd from Scotland?” Bless!!!! AND finally it is a joy when I get at some people in the column, they do not know they are even being got at!!!! Bless again!!! Until next time……….. Keep stroking the kitty
11 Comments
Einstein's Cat
21/8/2016 04:56:48 pm
Following on from Alan's "spare spoon" request it is good to see his lordship is keeping up appearances. Did the captain Cork the bottle for him?
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Blogmeister
21/8/2016 06:05:08 pm
Dear Cat..perpispaceous as always....yes the counting always amazes me....and with regards to Big Al as he is affectionately known...there was no corking!
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Obama I'm Not
21/8/2016 09:08:27 pm
Dear Bloggy, did you know that our new 'doctor' lectured 'Surveying' at our premier university. So the next time half the members stand squinting up the green to tell us the rinks are wonky we have someone who can shut them up for good!
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Einstein's Cat
22/8/2016 07:17:00 pm
No names policy but true and you cannot write this stuff. At a recent match Bowler A asked Bowler B what the result was. "all square" was the reply. "What score did we get?" "Just add up the top scores" "And what did the away team get?" "Just add up the bottom". If I hadn't heard this conversation with my own ears I'd swear somebody made it up.
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Blogmeister
23/8/2016 04:14:32 pm
Dear EC a pm to my inbox will result in a beverage of choice if you name names!
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Jon Boy Walton
23/8/2016 04:19:10 pm
It would need to be a very large drink as he/she will be divulging their identity - be very careful Einstein's Cat, he's up to all the tricks to try to 'de-fur' you ;-)
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Blogmeister
24/8/2016 11:52:28 am
JBW you insult me sir....you well know that I am known for my diplomacy and the names would have been buried under a layer of camouflage! I you read this weeks blog you will see how sensitive I am by withholding the name of the H Samuel award nominee ;)
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24/8/2016 11:59:35 am
Oh dear Blogmeister - sensitive and H Samuel in the one sentence. What has the sea air around Carlingford done to you???
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Blogmeister
24/8/2016 02:09:26 pm
With regard to the H Samuel award, do you know what a sequitur is? ;)
Reply
24/8/2016 03:04:17 pm
Sorry, I can see no logic in your hyperbolic statement :)
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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