Yet again I have the unfortunate duty of opening the column with the report of the death of Chris Forsyth. He passed away as he would have wanted in the middle of the game against Pickie. Chris was always a visionary and eloquent speaker at the AGMs where he put forward his views as to how the Club should progress. He was also no mean bowler on the A team. Take a moment to remember him before reading on………
I am mortified!! Without the aid of a copy writer/editor I inadvertently stated in my last column that it was Einstein who got hit on the cranium with an organic Granny Smith. It was in fact Newton and I thank a past President for pointing out the error of my ways. I am pleased to welcome on board a new “tout” who passed on to me some valuable information whilst on the sward last week. Simply known as “Three Stripes”, his street handle, he was able to inform me that a cohabiting male and female bowler got their locker keys mixed up. A simple error that anyone could make according to him, but having been raised on Sunday World and News of the World tabloids, I have to ask the question………were other keys, a table and other people involved? I am reliably informed that last week’s column was a little too sanitised and bland and that too much restraint was shown. Getting the balance between sardonic humour and litigious proceedings is a fine art. I will try to please all! Good to see such a large turn out for the Big Boys versus the aspiring Big Boys match last week. Nice to see a few others who turned up to make up the numbers……….bless them!!! Oh and BTW it is NOT acceptable to fling one’s butts on the green once finished with, even though it is on rink six and supposedly out of the eye of those watching from the stands. You know who you are laddie. L Reward Offered: A reward of ten pounds has been offered by Postman Pat for the safe return of his leather postbag. It was last seen on the environs of the green last week on the person of a shady looking character who would have it believe that he purchased the same satchel in Debenhams Department store at less than half price. If you see the cad and the aforesaid tan satchel, do not approach as he is deemed to be dangerous. Make the Greenmeister aware of the situation and he can use his newly acquired taser gun to fell the fellow! And on the subject of guns, the secretary to the Board of Directors has given his permission for the resident magpies to be culled – well at least frightened - by the use of an air pistol. The owner of said pistol has had stunning results in his garden by simply offloading his weapon - no innuendo whatsoever intended - in the general direction of their cousins a few miles away. Ken the Kestrel, that abject failure of a bird scarer will now be relocated to the Ladies’ Locker Room where he can take up residence with the other birds. Is Trixie Smyth (a) a British porn star (b) an American C and W singer (c) the dead dog of Mrs and Mr Smyth who was transported in a frozen state to Donegal for burial after he had popped his claws in Fruithill Park! With the sun being over the yard arm in the Eastern Med as I write, be assured that Pat Butler MSc will be downing his third Pimms and Soda with added umbrella, orange peel and sparkler. He has apparently bought the “drinks package” before embarking on his EasyCruise boat so the captain will have to make a few unscheduled stops to take on board the extra flagons of recreational beverage. There is no truth in the rumour that the aforesaid Captain had to send ten families to the port side staterooms to balance up the additional weight of the booze and the equally aforesaid Master of Science. On the plus side, the ship now has no need for a foghorn. For Chris RIP. In the words of the Bard Burns “ Better loved you canna be……”
7 Comments
Not Your Fault
26/4/2015 12:56:48 pm
Welcome back the real blogmeister you're use of the word laddie betrays your Published Ulster Scots roots.
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The General
27/4/2015 04:46:34 am
Another dark day for Falls on Saturday. RIP Chris. Puts it all into perspective....
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Lord of the Rinks
3/5/2015 10:11:32 am
Now that we have our floodlights can we start fundraising for a retractable roof. Yesterday was not fun! And heated shelters at each end would be nice.
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Blogmeister
3/5/2015 01:04:49 pm
Methinks winter shortmat bowls would suit you laddie........outdoor bowls is a mans game.............ask any of the ladies!!!!
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Jon Boy Walton
3/5/2015 04:15:48 pm
I assume the weather was as enclimate in Fruithill as it was in Comber 'Lord of the Rinks' ;-)
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Lord of the Rinks
4/5/2015 08:05:46 am
What are all the people who came second in the PGL singles last week going to do tonight?
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Blogmeister
5/5/2015 01:22:59 am
Ascerbic indeed Lord of the Rinks..........you should write one of the columns!!
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I keep my ear to the ground to keep everyone informed of the day to day happenings in Falls Bowling Club, Belfast. Archives
December 2017
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